For centuries, people have believed that some possess the ability to predict the future — even the exact day for the end of the world. Hundreds have tried, but so far, all have been 100 percent wrong.
As a child, I discovered that I had the power to see the future with amazing accuracy.
However, I have kept this unusual ability secret until now. So for the first time, I will reveal to my loyal readers my uncanny predictions for the next 20 or so years. Below, you will find the most important ones:
1. By 2025, Americans will have universal free health care. But unfortunately, most doctors will have left the profession for more lucrative positions, such as Uber drivers, grape harvesters and standby construction workers.
2. Also by 2025, all homeless will have homes. Those who formally occupied these dwellings will be sent to live on the streets.
3. By 2028, California gas taxes will be so high, bootleg fuel will become more profitable than smuggled cocaine.
4. Also by 2028, all prisons will be abolished in the Golden State. Freed inmates will be trained as attorneys, securities salespeople and community organizers. Correctional officers will be sent to Norfolk, Va. to build ships the Navy doesn’t need.
5. By 2029, all university liberal arts programs will be online. Degrees will be issued according to time spent playing video games, since no one learns anything in these programs anyway.
6. Also by 2029, most people will be working for the government. It will take 20 or more people to fill a single pothole.
7. By 2030, the confiscation of all privately held firearms and kitchen knives will be completed. Brazen criminals will have to rob fast food places with scary notes, mean dogs or post-nasal drippings.
8. By 2031, political occupations will be a thing of the past. The country will be run by robots found on social media.
9. By 2032, the Green New Deal will be in place. Commercial air travel will be discontinued, and a bridge will link the Pacific Coast to Hawaii. But the project will have tremendous cost overruns due to the fact that rising sea levels will cause Des Moines, Iowa to border the ocean.
11. At sometime in the future, flying cars will help traffic congestion. But accidents caused by intoxicated pilots will be for more numerous.
12. By 2040, war will break out between capitalist China and communist United States. During this same year, collusion between the Trump administration and Russia will still be under investigation.
13. By then, all cash will be abolished. All financial transactions will be done on credit cards or smart phones. People will be able to spend as much money as they desire.
14. But because of out-of-control bankruptcies, foreign wars and entitlement spending, inflation will reach the point where a loaf of bread will cost $1.2 million, or be evenly traded for various mood-enhancing pharmaceuticals.
15. By 2041, drug abuse will be so prominent, no one will care about any of the above.
Well, there you have it. Some may find these predictions shocking. Others may say they knew it all along. But I guarantee 95 percent of these prophecies will come to pass.
In the future, gas may only cost $800 per gallon, but those who can afford it will certainly enjoy their incredible road trip on a lengthy suspension bridge to Hawaii. However, no rest stops will be available.
Steve Hansen is as Lodi writer and satirist.