Consider couples counseling as wedding day approaches

As couples approach the big day, they may want to consider pre-marital couples counseling.

Many churches require counseling before couples are married. This allows each person to talk out issues with a mediator and shows that the two are committed to one another.

Pastor Glen Barnes, of First Baptist Church in Lodi, shared his insight into couples counseling. He has counseled several couples over the years and for the most part finds it to be a rewarding experience for all involved.

Barnes believes it’s important for two main reasons: It gives couples skills helpful in communicating in marriage; and it shows the couple places value on spending the time to invest in this for the commitment of their marriage. If they’re willing to commit to counseling, they may be more likely to commit to one another.

Marriage isn’t easy, and couples should show a willingness to work on things, Barnes said.

“It shows you value the other person enough to be a better husband or wife,” he added. “This is the most important human relationship there is. It’s worth investing in.”

During the four to six sessions, the pastor talks about several subjects with the couple such as communication, finances, backgrounds and family history, God’s view of what marriage is, intimacy and planning out the cermony and arrangements (if the wedding is at that church). The pastor sometimes has the couples fill out a personality and temperament analysis.

For those couples that are religious, the pastor makes sure they are spiritually ready for the commitment.

In addition, the pastor tries to arrange an informal meeting with a mentor couple that has been married for a while. The young couple can ask them for advice.

During a session on communication, the pastor may talk about understanding the styles of language each person uses and how to fight fair and deal with conflict. Communication patterns may come from family, according to Barnes.

“Some people are more closed off, some have anger issues,” he said. “We talk about how to best deal with it and where it comes from.”

Sometimes during sessions, problems individuals have with each other may arise. Barnes said it’s better for these concerns to come up before the couple gets married, and for the most part, the couples can work out their issues. On occasion, if there are too many problems, the couple won’t get married.

“One of the most important decisions is to pick the right person,” Barnes said.

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