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Steve Hansen: Why worry about global warming?

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Posted: Saturday, July 29, 2017 10:30 am

I can’t believe some California politicians (won’t mention any names) get so worked up over climate change. What’s the big deal? Personally, I say give global warming a chance.

Who wants to preserve the human species anyway? We’ve had centuries to get our act together, and to what end? Has anything really changed?

After all this time, we’re still just a bunch of warring individuals and tribes trying to establish dominance over one another. Despite the guidance of religious prophets and wise philosophers over the ages, no one really listens.

We’re all too busy following our primal instincts for survival, or more importantly today, unfriending jerks on social media and complaining we’re not getting enough free goodies from the state Legislature.

It’s as if we’re locked into a stage play where some act out the role of the good guys and others the bad guys. Some create the problems, some suffer from them, while others try to solve the issues.

Then there are those who switch and act out all three roles. Still others simply sit on their hands and watch it all go by. It’s a drama that continues for generations with a theatre run that never seems to end.

So stop and think: Do we want this nonsense to continue for another thousand or so years, or should we let the earth’s temperature rise to the point where only the cockroaches rule?

I say go for the latter. Why tax ourselves back to Stone Age living standards when the most we’ll gain from it is maybe a fraction of a degree in a hundred years? Right now, Californians pay 50 percent more for their electricity than the national average and 33 percent more for gasoline, as compared to a number of other states — and for what?

Let’s get real: Most of us will have moved to that great mystical corral in the sky by the end of the century, so why worry about future generations that don’t exist now — especially if they just turn out to be G20 protesters, beach bums and marijuana merchants?

Come to think about it, did past generations really care about us? Cases in point: Where have all the abalone, grizzly bears and Nehru jackets gone?

If nature has anything to say about the situation (and it usually does), something is going to take us out no matter what we do. Right now, there are asteroids out there playing Russian roulette with our vulnerable planet. (Could Trump be behind this?)

There are volcanoes all over the place that could erupt at any time — putting enough ash in the atmosphere to make emissions from gas-guzzling SUVs look like spits in the ocean. And, of course, there is always the threat of nuclear war, which could end all of this insanity in just a few minutes.

We also could be invaded by space aliens. Maybe this has already happened. Hollywood celebrities look and act more like they come from that bar scene in “Star Wars” each and every day.

So again, I reiterate: Give global warming a chance. Look at the advantages for the next several decades. Won’t it be great when Southern California weather moves north and we can enjoy it at Northern California prices?

Won’t Iowans be happy when they can enjoy oceanfront property? Why should those elite New Yorkers get all the beach-going advantages?

And don’t worry about food supplies. If things get warmer, they’ll be enough Flamin’ Hot Cheetos and hot tamales for everyone.

In the meantime, enjoy life to its fullest each and every day. Drive that huge SUV and laugh loudly when you pass one of those clueless San Francisco clones in an environmentally friendly EV.

Use as many sheets of bathroom tissue as you desire, eat all the beef you want and don’t fret over cow flatulence. After all, can it be any worse than what’s coming out of cantankerous politicians these days?

Steve Hansen is a Lodi writer and satirist.

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