In the past week, I have been confronted by at least three people a day berating me about the fact this column has not appeared in the News-Sentinel of late. It isn't funny, but I have been telling people that I am being published only on Mondays. They nod and walk on. The paper isn't published that day during the week as an austerity matter, and it will go back to normal as soon as everything else does.
I am a confirmed conservative and do a reasonable amount of research, and I discovered things started changing on Nov. 5 about three years ago. I won't enumerate what I found out — most of you know what caused the change, and if you don't, that's OK too; sometimes things change because things change. We are used to the fact some people won't take the rap for anything awful no matter what happened.
This morning, at breakfast, I talked to some people I had never met. They were joshing about the high-speed train from no place to no place else at a cost of about $85 billion, which will break down to a million bucks a seat. You can get from Merced to Modesto, seated pretty much by yourself, in a super jiffy. The Guv signed the bill to build the conveyance because he was deluded with the notion that California was suddenly as well-off as North Dakota.
I was publicly chewed out by a curmurdgeonette some time ago because I referred to the dingbats in Sacramento as numbnuts. I apologize for that, I didn't say what I was actually thinking because, after all, this is a family paper and deserves to be written in a pristine way because children have been known to read it even though it is not written on a hand-held cellphone screen.
I do apologize to the North Dakota squarehead lady I lied to about not writing this column about how things were here in Lodi in the early days when we were kids. I told her I was too busy these days to write ... the truth is, I was fighting with myself about what to say. When I was hired on this gig, Marty Weybret said he would have to put an editor on me because (as he said it): "You can be too much of a loose cannon." (Moi?!!)
It is interesting to note that, since I know so many squareheads here in Lodi, I seldom find I have to defend what I said.
You do have to admit that things are different in 2012. Not long ago, another insane maniac shot over 70 people, killing 12. I looked it up. In North Dakota, the last mass murder took place in 1920; a guy killed a farm family and their hired man.
Compared to the unrest in the Middle East, we are downright peaceful and serene. When a guy goes goofy over there, he puts on a dynamite corset and goes to a wedding reception.
So, all in all, we are still absolutely blessed as Americans, and Lodians in particular. It pays to live a long time in a blessed place. Lodi has weather that is the envy of every town in the world. I have lived here for 75 years and we are so spoiled we think three days in the 90s is a suffocating hot spell. Imagine wearing a burka and more in Iran during a 100-degree month. (Or worse still, being in a crowded elevator at a time like that!)
Reminds me of the time a guy in Fort Worth stepped in an elevator on a sweltering day. He sez: "Whew! Somebody's deodorant isn't working." A guy in the back replies, "Couldn't be me ... I ain't got none on!"
Bob Bader writes this irritating piece. You can reach him at email@example.com but be nice.