Lodinews.com

default avatar
Welcome to the site! Login or Signup below.
|
||
Logout|My Dashboard

Bob Bader ‘Pink slime’ is a legacy of grade-school gross-outs

Print
Font Size:
Default font size
Larger font size

Bob Bader

Posted: Monday, April 2, 2012 12:00 am | Updated: 6:23 am, Mon Apr 2, 2012.

Is it just me or does the term "pink slime" sound like anything but a meat product you'd want made into a sandwich for human consumption? I know the folks in the advertising and promotion fraternity are developing ulcers over the fact that somebody didn't throw a body slam into the knuckle-headed word spinner who coined the term on that fateful day.

If you took a bite of an apple that was, by far, the most beautiful looking pome you ever saw but it tasted like the best steak you ever ate, you would still spit it into the nearest napkin, or on the floor depending on your puke or squarehead predilection. When it comes to food, what you taste and what you think you are eating cannot be paradoxical or Mr. Diaphragm will engage and provide you with what the internists call projectile vomiting.

We have seven senses that are so neurologically, physically and psychologically intertwined, they function as one if there is a short in the wiring somehow. You can get a really queasy feeling in the pit of your stomach of you're sitting at a stop light and the car beside yours starts to inch backwards while you have your foot firmly on the brake. You feel as though you are easing forward but even if your intellectual self knows you are not moving, your gut will still do a back flip. I remember hearing people say the same thing happened when they experienced an earthquake,

When we were sixth-graders, we boys would make it a project to find out which of our fellow students, preferably one of the girls, could be made up-chucky by a well-turned phrase, which, at the same time, had no gustatory effect whatever on the guys, no matter how hard they had to work to hide their involuntary internal vis-à-vis outward functions. In fact, certain of such functions served as a point of pride when displayed by and for the most obnoxious of the species.

It seems boys between the ages of 6 and 16 become a study in the art of using the human system to disgust as many people as possible. They sometimes act as though they are auditioning for a starring role in "Animal House."

To those of us who think we have evolved away from acting like John Belushi in the aforementioned flick, all we have to do is consider how many of those people are still acting even though they are grown and move to Sacramento to spend time in the hallowed halls of the Legislature.

Millions of dollars are spent in the concerted effort to find, through the use of polls, what the average person believes, thinks or wants. Lately such pollsters are coming to the unhappy conclusion that the elected few don't really give a rat's patootie what people, by and large, think or want.

I was going to call the pols "squareheads," but that would be an incredible insult to my people.

"Fat heads" fits better, and since kids sometimes read the paper, my other appellations for the people we overpay and otherwise over-indulge for no good reason except they won an election would best be left to the sixth-graders' classmates. (I did mention that I learned all the four-letter words extant in the sixth grade so I ain't learned nothin' new in that department since. I sure as hell didn't learn it from my Sunday school teacher mother!)

I heard on the radio today that Jerry Brown signed a piece of legislation penned by Mark Leno that will make it law to teach gay history in the grammar schools. It's a good thing, too. I thought I knew all I would ever have to know on that subject in the sixth grade. If Miss Allen ever found out how incredible earthily informative her grammar school class turned out to be, she would spin at mach speed in her grave.

I know I'm an old stick in the mud when it comes to not being more enlightened in my thinking, but what do you expect from an 80-year-old with a traditional Lodi education, with nothing racier than National Geographic in the high school library with Miss Berry in charge?

Bob Bader can be reached at bobbyo@softcom.net.

Rules of Conduct

  • 1 Use your real name. You must register with your full first and last name before you can comment. (And don’t pretend you’re someone else.)
  • 2 Keep it clean. Please avoid obscene, vulgar, lewd, racist or sexually oriented language.
  • 3 Don’t threaten. Threats of harming another person will not be tolerated.
  • 4 Be truthful. Don't lie about anyone or anything. Don't post unsubstantiated allegations, rumors or gossip that could harm the reputation of a person, company or organization.
  • 5 Be nice. No racism, sexism or any sort of -ism that is degrading to another person.
  • 6 Stay on topic. Make sure your comments are about the story. Don’t insult each other.
  • 7 Tell us if the discussion is getting out of hand. Use the ‘Report’ link on each comment to let us know of abusive posts.
  • 8 Share what you know, and ask about what you don't.
  • 9 Don’t be a troll.
  • 10 Don’t reveal personal information about other commenters. You may reveal your own personal information, but we advise you not to do so.
  • 11 We reserve the right, at our discretion, to monitor, delete or choose not to post any comment. This may include removing or monitoring posts that we believe violate the spirit or letter of these rules, or that we otherwise determine at our discretion needs to be monitored, not posted, or deleted.

Welcome to the discussion.

Recent Comments

Posted 14 hours ago by Ed Walters.

article: Letter: We care about animals, but what…

Kaur In your last sentence you state that it is better to bring a child into a world of misery rather than abort a child who cannot be pro…

More...

Posted 15 hours ago by Eric Barrow.

article: Letter: Immigrants must come to the U.…

Just as we get ready to celebrate the first illegal immigration the residents want to through us out Happy Thanksgiving Steve.

More...

Posted 17 hours ago by Steve Schmidt.

article: Letter: Immigrants must come to the U.…

As the descendant of native Americans I demand that illegal immigrants and their descendants be deported in the order in which they arrived…

More...

Posted 17 hours ago by Steve Schmidt.

article: Letter: We care about animals, but what…

If only Mr Amber Fields valued living women as much as he values fertilized eggs.

More...

Posted 17 hours ago by Eric Barrow.

article: Letter: We care about animals, but what…

The beauty of this country is that everybody gets to choose their God and people's actions in relation to their deity of choice is between …

More...

Video

Popular Stories

Poll

Loading…

Your News

News for the community, by the community.

Featured Events

CREATE AN EVENT

Mailing List

Subscribe to a mailing list to have daily news sent directly to your inbox.

  • Breaking News

    Would you like to receive breaking news alerts? Sign up now!

  • News Updates

    Would you like to receive our daily news headlines? Sign up now!

  • Sports Updates

    Would you like to receive our daily sports headlines? Sign up now!

Manage Your Lists