It is the duty of the officers in the Lodi Police Department to answer any and all calls.
Sometimes, they get the unfortunate circumstance where a crime that has been called in is anything but that.
Thanks to the records they keep, however, the department's logbook has been keeping readers laughing and shaking their heads throughout the year, wondering why someone thought that particular circumstance was worth a phone call.
Call Meg Whitman: 10:10 a.m. — Someone from the 2100 block of Turtledove Court was in the police department lobby to report eBay fraud. The person ordered a gold coin, but received a toy camera.
Hitchhikers ... from Mars: Two men with flashing lights around their chests were asking people for rides on the 2400 block of West Kettleman Lane.
Big sack of weed: A woman was in the emergency room with a very large sack of marijuana on the 900 block of South Fairmont Avenue.
Wants her bill back: A woman who passed a fake $100 bill in the 2400 block of West Kettleman Lane wanted to talk to police because the employee wouldn't give her the fake bill back.
Yeah, it's the curb's fault: A caller tripped over a curb on the 1900 block of West Kettleman Lane. The caller said the curb "shouldn't be there."
Walking on sunshine: A man in an oversized white t-shirt and baseball cap was laying on the ground in a parking lot on the 600 block of West Kettleman Lane flapping his arms.
That's uncivilized: A victim reported being sprayed in the face with deodorant on the 1100 block of Edgewood Drive.
Medical call: A 3-year-old got their hand stuck in elevator doors on the 1300 block of East Vine Street. The child was not injured. The caller just wanted the child checked out.
Boys being boys: A caller wanted four juveniles on the 1100 block of West Turner Road "reprimanded for chasing and catching a turtle."
Aren't we all?: A caller was "really confused" on the 0 block of South Washington Street.
Ready to pop: A large, "very pregnant" dog "just wandered" into a location on the 1900 block of South Church Street.
Blitzed buckaroo: 3:12 p.m. — A white, bearded male wearing a cowboy hat was passed out in a shopping cart in the menswear department of a store on the 500 block of South Cherokee Lane.
Are you for real?: A caller on the 300 block of Cork Oak Way had questions about solicitors who said they were Tokay High School students.
They seem sophisticated: Two white females were in a store on the 2400 block of West Kettleman Lane after allegedly stealing an item from Stockton. One had pink hair and a knife in her cleavage.
Just kill it: A caller was bitten by a rat on the 500 block of East Locust Street. The caller reported the rat was "in custody."
Could've done without that image: A male was naked and doing pushups in the middle of the 1700 block of Scarborough Drive.
Is your neighbor a chimp?: 11:19 p.m. — A caller on the 900 block of Cologne Court said the neighbor was throwing cat feces over the fence and into her yard. The feces possibly belonged to the caller's cat, the caller said.
Living outside a bar: 10:39 p.m. — There were two transients making camp in front of a bar in the 600 block of N. Cherokee Lane. They refused to leave when the business owner asked.
Is that something to call the cops over?: 2:26 p.m. — A caller on the 400 block of Lassen Drive felt their driver was having too many garage sales every week.
Cheaper, more effective than therapy: 9:19 a.m. — A Hispanic male was talking to himself and yelling to the sky as he walked down the 100 block of Mulberry Circle.
The next Eric Clapton: 3:12 p.m. — A male, possibly intoxicated, was walking in the roadway carrying a guitar case on the 800 block of South Ham Lane.
Try that one with the boss: 9:52 a.m. — A woman called to say her parents refuse to leave her home on the 800 block of Daisy Avenue. Because they won't leave, she is already late to work.
You take that tree: 6:54 p.m. — A woman reported that her ex-boyfriend stole her palm tree on the 1900 block of South Church Street.
Are you sure you are not just drunk?: 4:13 p.m. — A man said he was having an allergic reaction to alcohol in the 800 block of South Cherokee Lane.
She's mourning your loss: 12:43 p.m. — A woman dressed in black stole hot dogs and soda on the 200 block of West Lockeford Street.
Snakes on a window pane: 12:59 p.m. — A woman stated she had one snake in every window on the 400 block of Almond Drive.
Baby, baby: A woman called to say that several women and babies would not leave her home on the 1600 block of South Sacramento Street.
High school drop-out: 10:09 a.m. — A woman's teenage son refused to go to school on the 1100 block of West Century Boulevard
One blind mouse: A man's blind wife just left their home, driving a vehicle on the 400 block of East Walnut Street.
Contact reporter Katie Nelson at firstname.lastname@example.org.