Lodinews.com

default avatar
Welcome to the site! Login or Signup below.
|
||
Logout|My Dashboard

Mom sees posts about daughter's sex

Print
Font Size:
Default font size
Larger font size

Posted: Saturday, May 1, 2010 12:00 am

Dear Straight Talk: I checked a link where teenagers ask questions to each other. From what I read, I suspect my 15-year-old daughter is performing oral sex on boys. What is the best way to talk to her about this?

— Torrance

Nicole, 20, Arcata: You're in for a rude awakening. In my human sexuality class we learned that girls are now giving oral sex to boys in sixth grade — before having sex in eighth grade. I hope your daughter knows that one in four teens has an STD. Have her look up oral herpes online.

Scot, 23, San Luis Obispo: Just as the medium soda used to be a large, so has oral sex become the modern goodnight kiss. It's considered a consolation prize to intercourse. It's not uncommon to read Internet posts like, "He bought me that expensive dinner so I gave him oral sex."

Lisa, 22, Sacramento: A friend got caught and had to write a paper on it. Not that it cured her. I had oral sex before real sex and I was definitely too young at 15 — but I knew lots who had already done it.

Rachel, 18, Fair Oaks: Oral sex is often considered "safe" sex. It is also considered a way to keep your virginity. Your daughter needs to know that almost every STD can be contracted by mouth — and that guys will respect her for saying no. Outside a committed relationship, oral sex can be emotionally heartbreaking and hurt your reputation.

Delaney, 18, Auburn: This guy at a party was like, "Let's have sex." When I said no, he said, "Will you at least give me oral?" I was disgusted, but most girls give in, including friends of mine. It's a common hook-up activity, performed most always by the girl. If a girl requests it, she is usually laughed at. I'm in a committed love relationship where it's more equal. But it's sad that sex and oral sex aren't often acts of love anymore.

Liz, 17, Sacramento: I did this the first time at 15. It's quite common. It wasn't something my parents talked to me about, but it would be great to discuss it with your daughter. If you don't have good communication with her, invite her talk to a doctor. Kids definitely don't consider it real sex but it's equally dangerous for STDs.

Catherine, 22, Amherst, Mass.: Be honest with her. State your concerns, offer health information, an ear, and if you're comfortable, condoms. Many teens feel pressure from the media and friends to move quickly in sexual relationships. They need to know they are never obligated to do anything.

Molly, 18, Fair Oaks: Avoid an angry or blaming attitude. If you are reasonable (from her perspective), instead of "just a reactive parent," she'll more likely tell the truth. You can't control her choices, but creating a space where she feels comfortable talking to you increases your chances of influencing her.

Dear Torrance: Now that you've had your crash course from our field experts, I hope you will be less reactive and more constructive.

Sexual mores have definitely loosened — across all age groups. Nonetheless, most sexually active girls are not morally bankrupt. They are just trying to feel loved.

Of the panelists who admitted to oral sex, I would be happy to have any of them as my daughters — and some have come a long way precisely because of loving family and mentors. Talk to her directly, with loving concern: "Honey, I'm not mad, I'm worried." Show her the Internet posts and this column.

Promiscuity generally results from low self-esteem. Girls truly believe boys won't like them otherwise. The more you value her (yes, this includes raising expectations and tightening boundaries) the more she will value herself.

To ask a question or inquire about being a youth panelist, www.straighttalkforteens.com or write P.O. Box 963 Fair Oaks, CA 95628.

Rules of Conduct

  • 1 Use your real name. You must register with your full first and last name before you can comment. (And don’t pretend you’re someone else.)
  • 2 Keep it clean. Please avoid obscene, vulgar, lewd, racist or sexually oriented language.
  • 3 Don’t threaten. Threats of harming another person will not be tolerated.
  • 4 Be truthful. Don't lie about anyone or anything. Don't post unsubstantiated allegations, rumors or gossip that could harm the reputation of a person, company or organization.
  • 5 Be nice. No racism, sexism or any sort of -ism that is degrading to another person.
  • 6 Stay on topic. Make sure your comments are about the story. Don’t insult each other.
  • 7 Tell us if the discussion is getting out of hand. Use the ‘Report’ link on each comment to let us know of abusive posts.
  • 8 Share what you know, and ask about what you don't.
  • 9 Don’t be a troll.
  • 10 Don’t reveal personal information about other commenters. You may reveal your own personal information, but we advise you not to do so.
  • 11 We reserve the right, at our discretion, to monitor, delete or choose not to post any comment. This may include removing or monitoring posts that we believe violate the spirit or letter of these rules, or that we otherwise determine at our discretion needs to be monitored, not posted, or deleted.

Welcome to the discussion.

City of Lodi Leaf Pickup Schedule

Video

Popular Stories

Poll

Vote on the biggest local story in 2014: See poll below

It has been an eventful year in Lodi, from the antics of a wild turkey named Tom Kettleman to the announced closure of the General Mills plant. What do you see as the biggest story of the year?

Total Votes: 256

Loading…

Your News

News for the community, by the community.

Mailing List

Subscribe to a mailing list to have daily news sent directly to your inbox.

  • Breaking News

    Would you like to receive breaking news alerts? Sign up now!

  • News Updates

    Would you like to receive our daily news headlines? Sign up now!

  • Sports Updates

    Would you like to receive our daily sports headlines? Sign up now!

Manage Your Lists