Dear Straight Talk: As a certified “babe magnet” at a large high school, for all you girls interested in guys like me, could you please be a little harder to get? When a girl lets me have it too early, it is actually a turn off. I know you get mixed messages, but I assure you, most “bad boys” find it exotic when you say no. If we like you, it gives us a challenge. If we don’t, we respect you for standing up to our charades. Despite what might be said, we do not think you are a lesbian or prudish if you say no, we think you are interesting and strong. — “J,” Anderson, Calif.
Kira, 20, Moraga: Fascinating. I’d have never guessed. Most guys go for the easy girls. If they’re looking for a girl who says “no,” they definitely hide that. It’s not just college. In high school, a popular guy wanted to hook up. I wasn’t as popular, but I played sports and had a lot of friends. When I said “no,” he dissed me to his friends and was a complete jerk for the longest time afterward.
Peter, 25, Monterey: “Babe magnet,” LOL! Sorry, this label makes you sound more like a jerk. If you don’t like the reaction you get from girls, try being different. You know, humble, kind, less self-absorbed. I was a nice guy in high school, didn’t get many dates. Remained a nice guy in college, got a few. Stayed a nice guy, and now am in a serious, wonderful, mutually fantastic relationship with a girl I love fiercely.
Akasha, 19, Los Angeles: Hilarious! Many guys do just want sex and if that’s all the girl wants, too, no problem. Unfortunately, many girls operate out of desperation and wishful thinking that if they have sex, it will emotionally attach the guy — yet they’re the ones who get attached! If a girl wants attachment, why wouldn’t she play hard to get? Men like the chase.
Colin, 19, Whittier: Ideally, people would BE hard to get, not PLAY hard to get.
Brandon, 21, Mapleton, Maine: You may think you’re the voice of the global babe-magnet population, J, but look at battered women statistics. Girls who “stand up to your charades” end up with more than a broken heart. Many are raped, or worse, by their “babe magnet” boyfriends.
I’ve walked in your shoes, and trust me, your Babe Magnet Ph.D. expires soon. Girls become women and start desiring men with class. Class is being a real man with a real agenda for life. Now I’m in college, working two jobs, in a long-term relationship with a wonderful woman who has her life on track, too. We had sex early, because we connected early — not because she was easy. Love isn’t a game, J.
Dear “J”: Sorry for the onslaught. You did come across a wee bit arrogant. I appreciate you. You started a much-need conversation — which I thought was about “the chase,” but is really much more serious, as we just heard. Regarding the chase, both guys and girls lament to me that this enticing phase is rushed or nonexistent. As BMOC, you have an opportunity to become part of the solution. Why not use your magnetism to shut down negative ‘guy talk’ about girls who say no, and teach girls how to avoid dangerous situations and say no safely?
On that note, a kind and loving Valentine’s Day to All! — Lauren
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