Lodinews.com

default avatar
Welcome to the site! Login or Signup below.
|
||
Logout|My Dashboard

Teenager advised to leave a ‘friend’ who bullies

Print
Font Size:
Default font size
Larger font size

Posted: Friday, May 2, 2014 7:45 am

Dear Straight Talk: I wrote my friend a bad note, cussing her out for the way she hurts my feelings. I regret it deeply, as I almost lost a good friend. After much apologizing, she finally forgave me. The problem is, now I’m walking on eggshells. I want to bring up the way she hurts my feelings, like looking at me like I’m stupid when I ask or say things, and taking a rude, uncaring attitude toward me, but I don’t want to blow up again and lose her over a dumb action. When I approach her nicely about these things, she either gets an attitude, or sometimes listens nicely but doesn’t change. What can I do? — Age 15 in Falling Waters, West Virginia

Brandon, 22, Mapleton, Maine: This kind of thing happened to me a LOT. “Friend” bullying is a huge issue right now. Some people make a friendship only about themselves and have no problem belittling their friends. Their friends’ suffering makes some of them feel great. You’ll be in bed crying over their rudeness and they act like nothing happened and have no remorse. These people have psychological problems. Do yourself a favor and remove such negativity from your life. It may hurt initially, but you’ll feel better in the long run. Or take a break. Time may mend the problem, or you learn it’s unfixable.

Moriah, 17, Rutland, Vermont.: In eighth grade, I wrote a friend about all the ways she wasn’t perfect. Although I took the wrong approach, I was trying to explain how her behavior was offending me. We lost touch for awhile and when we met again, we never spoke about it. She hadn’t changed and we lost touch again. I would keep bringing up the problem. If the letter didn’t ruin things, your friendship can maybe handle truth.

Breele, 20, Dana Point: Your letter should have made your friend say, “Wow, look how I’m acting.” Instead, you were blamed. Some friends from high school actually seemed to LIKE putting me down. If I did anything supposedly “wrong,” this one friend would never shut up about it. Something as simple as posting three pictures on Facebook, would get, “Isn’t that excessive?” Playing her game back didn’t work. She manipulated everything her way. These people are insecure and can’t let you shine more than the do. (Not that they will ever hear this, so don’t bother explaining.) It took a long time to leave her because she was a good friend, she had my back, but I got tired of the daggers. I found new friends and you will, too. My life is now drama free and so much happier!

Ochatre, 24, Kampala, Uganda: You really like your friend, while she takes you for granted. You live in fear of upsetting her. I’ve gone through similar treatment and realized life is too short to chase after people who don’t care. It just leads to self-pity, pain and hatred. True friendships are based on acceptance and there is always space for mistakes. You sound like a wonderful lady who deserves better.

Dear 15: I hope the panel was helpful. This is not a healthy relationship. Your friend is insecure and probably jealous of you. That said, being “codependent” to such a friend (meaning, you stick around despite the mistreatment) is also a sign of insecurity or you wouldn’t put up with it. I recommend taking a class like dance, swimming, martial arts, yoga, horseback riding, etc. Not only will that make you “too busy” to see her, learning a skill and getting exercise will raise your self-esteem — which is the best cure for codependence. Plus, you will meet new friends. — Lauren

Ask a question or go deeper in today’s conversation at www.straighttalkadvice.org or write P.O. Box 1974 Sebastopol, CA 95473. Straight Talk Advice.org is a 501(c)3 nonprofit. If today’s column has been useful, please consider a donation!

Rules of Conduct

  • 1 Use your real name. You must register with your full first and last name before you can comment. (And don’t pretend you’re someone else.)
  • 2 Keep it clean. Please avoid obscene, vulgar, lewd, racist or sexually oriented language.
  • 3 Don’t threaten. Threats of harming another person will not be tolerated.
  • 4 Be truthful. Don't lie about anyone or anything. Don't post unsubstantiated allegations, rumors or gossip that could harm the reputation of a person, company or organization.
  • 5 Be nice. No racism, sexism or any sort of -ism that is degrading to another person.
  • 6 Stay on topic. Make sure your comments are about the story. Don’t insult each other.
  • 7 Tell us if the discussion is getting out of hand. Use the ‘Report’ link on each comment to let us know of abusive posts.
  • 8 Share what you know, and ask about what you don't.
  • 9 Don’t be a troll.
  • 10 Don’t reveal personal information about other commenters. You may reveal your own personal information, but we advise you not to do so.
  • 11 We reserve the right, at our discretion, to monitor, delete or choose not to post any comment. This may include removing or monitoring posts that we believe violate the spirit or letter of these rules, or that we otherwise determine at our discretion needs to be monitored, not posted, or deleted.

Welcome to the discussion.

Readers Choice Awards 2014

Video

Popular Stories

Poll

Loading…

Your News

News for the community, by the community.

Featured Events

CREATE AN EVENT

Mailing List

Subscribe to a mailing list to have daily news sent directly to your inbox.

  • Breaking News

    Would you like to receive breaking news alerts? Sign up now!

  • News Updates

    Would you like to receive our daily news headlines? Sign up now!

  • Sports Updates

    Would you like to receive our daily sports headlines? Sign up now!

Manage Your Lists