Lodinews.com

default avatar
Welcome to the site! Login or Signup below.
|
||
Logout|My Dashboard

Mom afraid to confront son over possible drug use

Print
Font Size:
Default font size
Larger font size

Posted: Friday, March 28, 2014 7:43 am

Dear Straight Talk: My son, 16, recently started working a restaurant swing shift on Friday nights and weekends. The problem is he comes home looking out of sorts. I don’t smell alcohol, but he looks strange in the eyes, not like himself. My mother’s intuition says it’s drugs — so many kids and even parents smoke pot today. But I’m too timid to ask him! Plus wouldn’t he just deny it? Disciplining him hasn’t been an issue till now. I’m not strong emotionally and he’s a foot taller than me. Please help. — Timid Mom, Monterey County

Gregg, 22, Los Angeles: I agree your son is using drugs. Asking him is your best first move. When I first started using pot, my mother wasn’t bold either, but she did have a nose for it and put a voice to it. I knew she knew. She eventually joined forces with my dad and got me help.

Ashley, 25, Auburn: Trust your instincts. My mom always knew when I was up to something and she ALWAYS called me out on it. I hated it, but I’m glad for it. Are you going to just let him sit in your house high? If you don’t let him know this isn’t okay, what’s next? You could end up supporting a bad (or deadly) habit — and once he’s 18, your hands are really tied. Stop being timid. This is your son, not some random person! You are his authority figure; show him that.

Moriah, 17, Rutand, Vt.: Bring it up now. If we think parents are oblivious, we think we’re getting away with things. If we know they know, even if we don’t confess, it affects our decisions.

Brandon, 21, Mapleton, Maine: Marijuana is like alcohol. Some adults are creative savants after a couple beers, others need a hard slap or it takes over their lives. When you see a red flag, you must act — and sooner is better. Despite his size, do you have reason to fear him? If not, give him the news straight. Some parents take their kids to see drug offenders in jail. Others take privileges away. As much as it tests you to do something drastic, you must not be an enabler.

Molly, 22, Berkeley: It’s absolutely acceptable to drug test your child if he or she shows signs of being very much not themselves. That said, first tell him, calmly, that you’ve noticed behavior changes. Many parents get overly emotional and we interpret their upset as “unsafe to share.” Approach him with “Are you okay? How can I help you?” Be open and listen. Is he depressed? Did a girl reject him?

Ryann, 17, Tustin: The “normalization” of drug use is so alarming! Pot is proven to reduce IQ in the developing brain. Your own emotional fragility cannot hold you back from stepping up. Take him and go see a counselor. Or have a friend help you talk to him. This is your job!

Dear Timid Mom: Read carefully: Each panelist says something important and accurate. I agree that your son is using drugs — many teens get introduced at their first jobs. The “off” look behind the eye is a red flag. Adolescent pot use is harmful and indeed lowers IQ. Even if you weren’t timid, it takes a village. Get unified help from his father, family, or friends. Fact: Boys respond best to loss of privileges (not including sports or school). Something like, “Look, son. Drug use? Not on my watch. Period. If it continues, your driving privileges/this job/video games/etc., are over.” Explain that you’ll use drug testing to separate fact from fiction if the behavior continues. Then follow through accordingly. — Lauren

Ask a question or go deeper in today’s conversation at www.straighttalkadvice.org — or write P.O. Box 1974 Sebastopol, CA 95473. Straighttalkadvice.org is a 5019c03 nonprofit. If today’s column has been useful, please consider a donation!

Rules of Conduct

  • 1 Use your real name. You must register with your full first and last name before you can comment. (And don’t pretend you’re someone else.)
  • 2 Keep it clean. Please avoid obscene, vulgar, lewd, racist or sexually oriented language.
  • 3 Don’t threaten. Threats of harming another person will not be tolerated.
  • 4 Be truthful. Don't lie about anyone or anything. Don't post unsubstantiated allegations, rumors or gossip that could harm the reputation of a person, company or organization.
  • 5 Be nice. No racism, sexism or any sort of -ism that is degrading to another person.
  • 6 Stay on topic. Make sure your comments are about the story. Don’t insult each other.
  • 7 Tell us if the discussion is getting out of hand. Use the ‘Report’ link on each comment to let us know of abusive posts.
  • 8 Share what you know, and ask about what you don't.
  • 9 Don’t be a troll.
  • 10 Don’t reveal personal information about other commenters. You may reveal your own personal information, but we advise you not to do so.
  • 11 We reserve the right, at our discretion, to monitor, delete or choose not to post any comment. This may include removing or monitoring posts that we believe violate the spirit or letter of these rules, or that we otherwise determine at our discretion needs to be monitored, not posted, or deleted.

Welcome to the discussion.

Readers Choice Awards 2014

Video

Popular Stories

Poll

Loading…

Your News

News for the community, by the community.

Featured Events

CREATE AN EVENT

Mailing List

Subscribe to a mailing list to have daily news sent directly to your inbox.

  • Breaking News

    Would you like to receive breaking news alerts? Sign up now!

  • News Updates

    Would you like to receive our daily news headlines? Sign up now!

  • Sports Updates

    Would you like to receive our daily sports headlines? Sign up now!

Manage Your Lists