Lodinews.com

default avatar
Welcome to the site! Login or Signup below.
|
||
Logout|My Dashboard

Best friend can’t decide in cheating love triangle

Print
Font Size:
Default font size
Larger font size

Posted: Friday, October 25, 2013 8:08 am

Dear Straight Talk: My roommate and best friend is torn between two lovers. She finds her boyfriend, “Raf,” dull so she is cheating on him with “Sevan” who is less serious about her. I’m pretty shocked by her lack of ethics and tell her to break up with both of them, but she never does! Raf visits frequently and is seriously in love with her. It kills me to see this lie carried out under his nose. These are jealous, passionate men and I worry about what might happen if he finds out. I don’t want to lose my best friend over this, but I can’t look Raf in the eye anymore. She expects me to go along with everything. What should I do? — “Sarah,” Glendale

Breele, 19, Dana Point: I was involved in a similar situation. My best friend had a boyfriend plus a secret guy on the side she was madly in love with. I was very caught up in the lies, manipulations and tension. Due to the tension, the boyfriend was constantly over at our place and the three of us did a lot together — which I hated it because it was such a lie. I first tried to detach, saying, “No thanks, you guys go do that without me.” But then THEY wouldn’t go out either! They would also both text me constantly when we weren’t together. I told her a million times how badly she was treating her boyfriend. Finally, I told her how badly she was treating HERSELF. I told her I couldn’t look HER in the eye anymore and that if she didn’t change the situation, I was leaving. That worked.

Katelyn, 18, Huntington Beach: Get out now. She’s the only one who can resolve this. Let her know you’re there for her, but at the same time, don’t let her use you. Also, you may be tempted to tell Raf or confront Sevan yourself, but it’s not your job. I would only step forward if it’s to protect her from threats, bullying or outright assaults. My sister was in a bad relationship and I learned the hard way that I couldn’t do anything except advise her — and even then, at a distance.

Carlos, 18, Fairfax, Va.: A friend was stuck in a love triangle and I helped her look at the different outcomes from choosing one or neither guy. Sit your friend down and explain how if she truly cares about these two guys she needs to distance herself from them so she can figure out what she wants. Yes, this does mean breaking up with Raf. The reason she’s going back and forth between these guys is because it’s comfortable and she’s not allowing herself to explore other possibilities.

Dear Sarah: I hope some of these ideas resonate with you. Breele’s approach to tell your friend you can’t look HER in the eye places the responsibility where it belongs. The other place it belongs is with YOU. You must detach from this madness. And fast. These situations are not only emotionally draining, they are often dangerous. According to the National Violence Statistics website, domestic violence is the leading cause of injury for women. If you feel unsafe, don’t hesitate to call 911 or the National Dating Abuse Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE. — Lauren

Straighttalktnt.org tackles youth’s toughest issues with youth’s wisest advice. Go deeper in today’s conversation or ask a question by clicking www.straighttalktnt.org or writing PO Box 1974 Sebastopol, CA 95473.

Rules of Conduct

  • 1 Use your real name. You must register with your full first and last name before you can comment. (And don’t pretend you’re someone else.)
  • 2 Keep it clean. Please avoid obscene, vulgar, lewd, racist or sexually oriented language.
  • 3 Don’t threaten. Threats of harming another person will not be tolerated.
  • 4 Be truthful. Don't lie about anyone or anything. Don't post unsubstantiated allegations, rumors or gossip that could harm the reputation of a person, company or organization.
  • 5 Be nice. No racism, sexism or any sort of -ism that is degrading to another person.
  • 6 Stay on topic. Make sure your comments are about the story. Don’t insult each other.
  • 7 Tell us if the discussion is getting out of hand. Use the ‘Report’ link on each comment to let us know of abusive posts.
  • 8 Share what you know, and ask about what you don't.
  • 9 Don’t be a troll.
  • 10 Don’t reveal personal information about other commenters. You may reveal your own personal information, but we advise you not to do so.
  • 11 We reserve the right, at our discretion, to monitor, delete or choose not to post any comment. This may include removing or monitoring posts that we believe violate the spirit or letter of these rules, or that we otherwise determine at our discretion needs to be monitored, not posted, or deleted.

Welcome to the discussion.

City of Lodi Leaf Pickup Schedule

Video

Popular Stories

Poll

What was the biggest local story of 2014?

It has been an eventful year in Lodi, from the antics of a wild turkey named Tom Kettleman to the announced closure of the General Mills plant. What do you see as the biggest story of the year?

Total Votes: 221

Loading…

Your News

News for the community, by the community.

Mailing List

Subscribe to a mailing list to have daily news sent directly to your inbox.

  • Breaking News

    Would you like to receive breaking news alerts? Sign up now!

  • News Updates

    Would you like to receive our daily news headlines? Sign up now!

  • Sports Updates

    Would you like to receive our daily sports headlines? Sign up now!

Manage Your Lists