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Lauren Forcella: No-nonsense test helps teens answer ‘Am I gay or lesbian?’

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Posted: Friday, June 5, 2015 11:38 am

Dear Straight Talk: Can you please run your no-nonsense “Am I Gay?” test from your website. It followed your column about the girl worried she was gay even though she’d always had crushes on boys. My kids are confused as well and this will help them. — Grateful Parent

Dear Grateful: Glad to. A percentage of the human population is naturally gay or bi. The medical establishment — and more and more states — condemn conversion therapies which try (with great damage) to change people from gay to straight. Along with 61 percent of Americans, I’m a huge supporter of gays and gay marriage. We are happiest when we can just be ourselves. An unintended consequence of LGBT acceptance is that multitudes of young straight people are now agonizing over their orientation. I did what the kids do and took several top-ranked Internet tests for both lesbian and gay determination. They were shockingly baseless, full of celebrity- and brand-name dropping, adding to the utter confusion for the sake of profits. Just as gay people are harmed by trying to be straight, so can straight people be harmed trying to be gay. To help kids sort themselves out, I wrote this common-sense test:

1. Are you a boy or girl? This is a huge clue because in your school of, say, 2,000, students, only 32 are truly gay, and 14 truly bi. It’s a small club. Most of you are agonizing needlessly or switching horses due to confusion, societal pressure, clarification purposes, or as a solution to trauma. (Population figures are from the 2013 National Health Institute sexual-orientation survey of 34,557 adults: 96.6 percent identified as straight, 1.6 percent as gay, 0.7 percent bisexual; 1.1 percent unsure.)

2. Thinking back to kindergarten or even third grade (before consuming 33,000-46,000 screen hours of TV, movies, games, pornography and Internet junk food), who did you have crushes on? Girls or boys? Your answer is another huge clue.

3. When you think about having gay or lesbian sex, do you feel confused and/or sick? Most likely, unless you had same-sex or bi crushes as a child, feeling confused and/or sick isn’t a sign of denial! It’s your body’s clue that this isn’t your orientation.

4. Imagine a gorgeous opposite-sex guy or girl approaching you with a big smile. Do you feel weak, flushed with heat, and/or suddenly faint? Another body clue. If yes, I’d bet money you’re straight. If no, look at Clue 2 and 3 and see if you might be gay.

Below are several reader comments (paraphrased) from our website. — Lauren

L., 14: This is a great relief! Based on my answers, I think I must be straight! Growing up, I had crushes on boys and always fantasized marrying (a man). I’m still much more attracted to guys, however since puberty, I feel stimulation with certain girls ... yet the idea of girl-to-girl sex sickens me.

A.H., 17: I also worried sick that I might be gay when I was your age. However, the feelings slowly dissipated. I now think if you’re confused, you’re probably not gay. My little sister, 13, recently came to me all afraid. I’m going to show her this column. Thank you Straight Talk!

Joy, 18: A.H. is correct. If you were gay you wouldn’t be having anxiety that you “might” be gay. Long before puberty, I knew I wanted to be with girls, not boys.

Janine, 16: It was the same for me. Before I even knew about being gay, I knew I wanted to marry a girl, not a boy.

T.L., 16: This confusion also happens to guys. I think I’m straight, since I’m much more attracted to girls ... but I sometimes get disturbing sexual feelings toward guys, yet the thought of actual sex makes me nauseous.

Ask a question at www.straighttalkadvice.org or P.O. Box 1974 Sebastopol, CA 95473. We are a youth-helping-youth nonprofit. If today’s column was helpful, please consider a donation!

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