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Teens 2 Teens

Was questioning boyfriend’s attitude wrong?

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Posted: Tuesday, December 11, 2012 12:00 am

Dear T2T: Last night I was texting my boyfriend and I asked him if he really wanted to be with me and his response was, “Yes, why would you even ask me that?” I told him that “I just wanted to make sure...” then he said that if I’m questioning the relationship, then it isn’t real. I responded by saying, “Okay, I am questioning the relationship, but I’m not ... I’m really questioning you ... You never seem like you care...”

He asked me how, and I proceeded to tell him how and he responded with “wow :( what a shame.” and then I told him “basically that to me everything is a joke to you, and don’t get me wrong I love to joke around and what not but it seems like all the time with you.” And then he said, “So are you saying that I always have to be serious and loving all the time? ... okay fine, you happy?” I told him that he didn’t have to be serious all the time, just more than he has been. Then he said, “Okay I’m sorry :( really.” Around this time it was late and we both sort of fell asleep, but before I fell asleep I told him that it was okay and that I don’t want him to change who he is because I love who he is and that I wouldn’t be with him if I didn’t like who he was, but that I needed him to be a little more serious at times. He hasn’t replied back, but I’m now worried about that. I just need to know if I made a mistake by doing that because I don’t want him to change just because of me. — Joke’s On Me

Response 1: I completely understand where you’re coming from. I have also put myself in that situation. I don’t believe you made a mistake because everyone questions their relationship every once in a while because they don’t want to get hurt in the end. You were just protecting yourself and that’s completely understandable. However, the way you went about saying it may have gave your boyfriend the wrong impression, but if you both made up then maybe he does understand. But there’s also a possibility that he just let you win so that you wouldn’t fight anymore. Maybe you should talk to him about what he really thinks and tell your boyfriend that he doesn’t have to change for you and that you will always love him for who he is. Just confront him about how he should be more serious, but not totally serious all of the time because you do like his jokes. If you show him how his joking can go overboard then maybe he will respond positively by being a little more serious. I think this was just a little obstacle that you had to encounter before moving on with your relationship. Remember that you’re never alone because everyone makes mistakes. I hope that we helped you even the slightest. I hope that everything goes well for you and your boyfriend. I know if your relationship is strong, you two will make it past this.

Response 2: In order to keep a healthy relationship it’s necessary that you recognize and talk about what bothers you. Communication is key, otherwise neither one of you will be happy. So, no, it wasn’t a mistake to talk to him about it — it’s a minor problem that, now that you’ve brought up should be an easy fix. Don’t think of it as him changing, but understanding your feelings. If you let this minor problem go and don’t say anything, then eventually it will turn into a major problem. Once this problem is solved, both of you will be able to be happy in a healthy relationship. Keep communicating with him and your relationship will continue to be successful.

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Stephanie Hiatt

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