Dear T2T: My dad and I haven’t talked in more than five years. I want him to be in my life again, but my mom tells me that if I want to talk to him so bad then I should just go live with him and not talk to her anymore. She is making me choose between them. I don’t even live with her. — Torn
Response No. 1:
If you really want him in your life then you should try and talk to him. I know you say that your mom wants you to choose between her and your father but if you talk to her then I am sure she will understand how you feel and where you are coming from. You should try and ask your mom to put herself in your shoes. Maybe if you did that then she will realize what she said is not right. Give it some time, it will hopefully open up her eyes to the relationship you want with your father. It may be helpful to realize that your mom may be feeling a bit left out and thinking that she may lose you. Also try and tell your mother that you will always be by her side and that you talking to your father will not change you and your moms relationship in any way shape or form. Try and really talk to her about your feelings towards her and your father. Hopefully her feelings towards your father will not get in between the relationship with you and your father.
Response No. 2:
Unfortunately, this is a sticky situation that many other children have gone through. We believe that having a personal relationship with both your mom and your dad is important. If you are able, try to establish a relationship with your father while still talking to your mother. Your mother probably feels threatened, like she isn’t good enough. Explain to her that knowing and talking to her and your father is important to you. You can also talk to a counselor or teacher for advice on the situation. There are a lot more people in this situation than you think. Ultimately, you are the only one who can sole the problem. You need to have a serious talk with both of your parents. Stay strong and good luck.
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