default avatar
Welcome to the site! Login or Signup below.
Logout|My Dashboard

Our daughter broke our trust

Font Size:
Default font size
Larger font size

Posted: Tuesday, November 19, 2013 12:00 am

Dear Teens2Teens: Our 16-year-old daughter told us that she would be going to a party with friends. We later found out that she went to said party with her boyfriend only and they were alone for 3 hours. When she returned home, my wife and I insisted that she hand over her iPhone and password so we could view all of her text messages to and from this boy. Do you think this was too much of an invasion of her privacy? — A mom with Broken Trust

Response No. 1:

I understand why you might be in a difficult situation. As a teenager myself, I totally feel for your daughter wanting to be alone and out on her own. We want to act older than our age, but some of the time that doesn’t always work. Like in this situation. I do feel as if you have the right to go through her text messages. You are her parent, and as her parent you need to do anything you can do to keep her safe. You have the right to do this until she’s an adult. She broke the rules and lied, and so one of the consequences is a loss of trust between the parents and the child. I have actually been in the same situation as this, and even though I would hate to admit it then, I’m glad my mom took my phone because it taught me what happened when I misbehaved. But as a parent, you should also sympathize with your teen because teens will be teens. They are going to mess up sometimes; they’re not always going to be perfect angels, no matter how hard you try and make them. I hope you have good luck with this problem. I hope this helped!

Response No. 2:

If your daughter gave you no reason to not trust her, then yes, going through her phone would be an invasion of privacy. However, since she was not truthful from the beginning about who she was with, it is understandable for you to be concerned. Having an honest talk with your daughter about trust may help build better communication between you and her. It could also be beneficial to go over some ground rules concerning her phone privacy to prevent issues in the future. Take into consideration that if you pay for her phone bill, then you have the right to her messages if another trust issue arises. However, don’t abuse this power unless necessary because it could harm your relationship with her.

Problem? Email teentips@hotmail.com.

Rules of Conduct

  • 1 Use your real name. You must register with your full first and last name before you can comment. (And don’t pretend you’re someone else.)
  • 2 Keep it clean. Please avoid obscene, vulgar, lewd, racist or sexually oriented language.
  • 3 Don’t threaten. Threats of harming another person will not be tolerated.
  • 4 Be truthful. Don't lie about anyone or anything. Don't post unsubstantiated allegations, rumors or gossip that could harm the reputation of a person, company or organization.
  • 5 Be nice. No racism, sexism or any sort of -ism that is degrading to another person.
  • 6 Stay on topic. Make sure your comments are about the story. Don’t insult each other.
  • 7 Tell us if the discussion is getting out of hand. Use the ‘Report’ link on each comment to let us know of abusive posts.
  • 8 Share what you know, and ask about what you don't.
  • 9 Don’t be a troll.
  • 10 Don’t reveal personal information about other commenters. You may reveal your own personal information, but we advise you not to do so.
  • 11 We reserve the right, at our discretion, to monitor, delete or choose not to post any comment. This may include removing or monitoring posts that we believe violate the spirit or letter of these rules, or that we otherwise determine at our discretion needs to be monitored, not posted, or deleted.

Welcome to the discussion.

Contact Information

Stephanie Hiatt

Learning Link Needs You!

We rely on the input of the community. If you are a teen or interested in teen issues, you can help us with the following regular features on Lodinews.com and in the Lodi News-Sentinel. Email Stephanie Hiatt at link@lodinews.com or call 209-369-2761.

KEWL Kids: Kids doing exceptional and worthwhile things in and around Lodi. Know a student who is making Lodi a better or more interesting place to be? Let us know!

Parents 2 Teens: An opportunity for parents to get a fresh perspective from our Teens 2 Teens advisers. Email your questions and see what responsible teenagers have to say about your problem or situation.

School Scoop: Are you a parent or teacher who has something wonderful or unique going on at your child’s school? Write about it and let Lodi know about your great school.

Reading News

Reading news can encourage positive attitudes toward reading, improving English skills, and providing young people an opportunity to be better informed, proactive citizens in your community.




Your News

News for the community, by the community.

Mailing List

Subscribe to a mailing list to have daily news sent directly to your inbox.

  • Breaking News

    Would you like to receive breaking news alerts? Sign up now!

  • News Updates

    Would you like to receive our daily news headlines? Sign up now!

  • Sports Updates

    Would you like to receive our daily sports headlines? Sign up now!

Manage Your Lists