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Teens 2 Teens

I feel like my dad doesn’t care about me

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Posted: Tuesday, November 20, 2012 12:00 am

Dear T2T: My parents have been divorced since I was 7 and lately I’ve started to feel like my dad doesn’t care about me. I have two older siblings, one at college, so she isn’t home much, and one that dropped out of college and he works and is gone most of the time, and I live with my mom.

We go on vacation every year (with my dad), but a year ago he had a foot operation and we didn’t go and I was fine with that because he was injured and everything, but two months later when he was healed he took his then girlfriend on vacation to Paris, the place I’d always wanted to go to, without us.

Then when he got back he just complained about how expensive it was. Then he took his girlfriend to Hawaii after that and has still not taken us on another trip yet. My sister has only started to realize that he’s like this because she’s away most of the time and she refuses to talk about it and my brother just doesn’t care and I want to talk about it but my mom doesn’t see the good in him and I just feel like crying. I’m a 13 year old and I feel like I shouldn’t be the one seeing the unfairness in this. I don’t know where to turn. It’s just not fair. — Feeling fatherless

Response No. 1:

Family drama is a difficult problem to handle and it’s never easy. There are only so many ways you can go about it. Divorce is difficult for every family because it not only affects the parents, it affects the children and other family members too. The way you’re feeling is completely normal for a teenager with divorced parents. Many of us here at Teen2Teen can relate to your problem. My parents got divorced when I was nine and I didn’t deal with it the way I should have. I would like to commend you for coming forward with your problem instead of holding it in and allowing it to affect your life negatively. If the situation with your dad is hurting you, you should bring it to his attention. He is not able to fix the problem if it is not a problem he is aware of. It seems he’s dealing with the divorce the best way he knows how to. Even though he did exclude you from the vacations with his girlfriend, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t care. He just doesn’t realize it was wrong of him. On the other hand, you feel that your mom doesn’t care but maybe you aren’t expressing your feelings to her either. If talking is hard for you, maybe expressing your feelings in the form of poetry, music or short stories would be better suited for you. We understand that saying how you truly feel is incredibly difficult but not talking is not solving anything. I wish you the best of luck with your problem and hope we have helped with your situation.

Response No. 2:

While your concerns are very valid, before you jump to conclusions about your father’s feelings towards you, you really need to talk to him and convey your feelings and concerns directly and openly. He could very well not know that you are upset about not seeing him enough and missing the trip, and if he hears what you are upset about, he will surely want to remedy it in some way. For you this could mean finding activities for you two to do more frequently than your annual trip and inexpensively as well. This could be a game night or a bike ride, really anything that you and your father can enjoy together any time. And again the most important thing to maintaining a healthy relationship is active communication between you and your dad.

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Welcome to the discussion.

1 comment:

  • Darrell Baumbach posted at 7:46 am on Tue, Nov 20, 2012.

    Darrell Baumbach Posts: 9405

    Response number 3...

    Some fathers become depressed after a divorce and become resentful that they are no longer seen as a loving father but as a wallet that pays for child support. It should not be up to the child to fix the problem, but sometimes that is the reality. My suggestion is to love your father unconditionally and not resent any of his behaviors and forgive him if he gives less love to you.
    If you instead give love and warm attention to your dad, it is very likely he will begin to understand his faults and then will return the love you have given him.

    Kindness, love and a smile on one's child's face melts the heart of most fathers. Just remind him that he is your hero by appreciating him and he might respond with more love than you can imagine.

     

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