Dear T2T: I have been friends with this girl since junior high, and recently just developed deeper feelings for her. We talk all the time, just as friends.
I have been trying to be a little flirty with her, but she doesn’t pick up on any of my hints. I’m afraid to just say how I feel, because she might not feel the same way and then it would be awkward for our friendship.
I need some clever ideas on how to find out what she thinks without totally putting my heart on the line. I’m a little guarded because I have been hurt before. — Wanting More
Dear Wanting More: Two separate groups of students on different campuses are now providing you with their best advice.
Response 1: High school is tough, and adding relationships into the mix makes it more difficult. Although relationships can be difficult, I do believe they can be worth it. With the right amount of time and effort, relationships can be fun!
Your first step to solving your problem is to be flirty, fun and available. If she wants to hang out, make sure it’s one-on-one. Figure out a nice, fun, energized place where it can just be the two of you but not in an awkward way; ease into it.
Your second step is to level up on your flirting. If she isn’t getting your hints, you need to make them more obvious to her. Not in a forceful way, but in a way where she will definitely understand what you mean. For example, if she is upset, put your arm around her, comfort her, support her and tell her you’re there for her.
After you think she has received your hints, you should tell her your feelings. There really is no other way to be more than friends if you don’t tell her. A relationship is a game of chance. You can take the chance and learn that she could possibly have feelings for you, too, or you don’t take the chance and miss out on a great opportunity.
I sincerely hope you take the chance. There are many great relationships that have started from good friendships. Hopefully yours will be one of them! I wish you the best of luck with your girl.
Response 2: My best advice to you would be to really evaluate your relationship with your friend. Since you have been her friend since junior high, it appears that you care for your friendship, and you need to decide if the possible reward of having her as more than a friend outweighs the risk of possibly losing her altogether.
You informed us that you are wary of direct conversation with her about your feelings due to being hurt in the past, which is completely understandable. Instead, you could reach out to one of your close friends — or better, one of her close friends — who you could trust. They could casually ask her about possible feelings towards you and how she would hypothetically react if she were to know of your feelings towards her. This could be the non-confrontational way to get the information that you want.
Hopefully this advice will be helpful.
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