Dear T2T: One of my good friends is being such a bop and I don’t know how to nicely communicate to her what a problem it is. It’s like she just expects me to laugh it off and say it’s not true when we talk about what other people say. But the problem is that I know why they think these things and I kind of agree. I’m not the confrontational type and I definitely do not want to hurt her feelings, but I really wish she would take her reputation more seriously. Plus, I don’t want people thinking that I am like that too. Any suggestions on how I can approach this? — Notta Bop
Response No. 1:
If she is considered a good friend to you, it’s important you let her know how you feel. If your friend is already getting a reputation and many people are talking about her you need to kindly inform her the choices she is making aren’t the best. She may not want to listen at first, but because she is your friend you have to find a way to get inside her head and let her know her choices are inappropriate and further problems may erupt. If you don’t say something someone else will and she will not like it. If you tell her not only will it not hurt as much but also it will be more sincere considering you a good friend. It’s also important to protect your reputation and if it is important to you people don’t get the wrong idea, you must tell her your feelings. Think of it this way; if you were in her shoes would you like other people approaching you? If you are afraid of confronting you could try just a simple call on the phone, or sometime when you two are just alone. This situation isn’t a laughing matter and the problem will escalate because reputation is on the line. She may think a reputation isn’t a big deal in high school, but if someone else approaches her, problems may arise.
Response No. 2:
Our best advice to you is simple — Be honest. It’s obvious you are genuinely concerned about her reputation, and we believe that if you clearly convey this, that she will understand. Not only are you looking out for her well being, but yours as well. Everyone knows that people assume, “You are who you hang out with,” and even if this isn’t true in the least, it’s natural to want to defend your own reputation. In order to keep the peace with her — bring it up casually and let her know it’s something you really think she should know. That way you simultaneously convey urgency and empathy.
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