A defining moment is generally a loss that has a profound impact
or that affects our life in a memorable way. It is stashed away in
our brain and resurfaces often. This is a difficult article for me
to write, but it will be an honor to tell Melissa's friends. There
may be some who read this and will understand, if they too have
lost a child.
My first defining moment was in 1942 when we were at war with
Japan. I was a senior in college and had a very dear friend by the
name of Jim. Jim was of Japanese decent. He was standing on the
bottom step as he was boarding a large yellow school bus. He looked
back, waved at me and in a soto voice, said "Jack, you are going to
work twice as hard during your lifetime because instead of two of
us, you will be the only one." We had both been accepted to medical
school, but he was leaving on a bus for some unknown destination.
That was our last goodbye.
An online service is needed to view this article in its entirety.
You need an online service to view this article in its entirety.
Login
Or, use your
linked account:
Current print subscribers
Need an account? Create one now.
Or, use your
linked account:
kAm{6E >6 E6== J@F D@>6E9:?8 23@FE @FC >:55=6 52F89E6C |6=:DD2] $96
92D AC@G:565 t=D:6[ >J H:76[ 2?5 x[ D@>6 G6CJ 92AAJ >@>6?ED[ 2D
H6== 2D D@>6 D@>36C @?6D] $96 2CC:G65 2E %@FC@ x?7:C>:EJ :? }6H
~C=62?D 2D 2 3F?5=6 @7 ;@J @? uC:52J[ pF8] `b[ `hdc] xE D66>D E92E
6G6CJ@?6 H2?E65 E@ 9@=5 96C 3642FD6 D96 H2D D@ 4FE6] $96 ;@:?65 2?
@=56C D:DE6C[ y6?2??6 r@6 2?5 2 3C@E96C[[ z6G:? |:4926=] x <?6H
E92E |6=:DD2 H2D DA64:2= E96 7:CDE E:>6 H6 >256 6J6 4@?E24E] $96
>256 2 9F86 D@7E DA@E :? >J 962CE 2E 2? 62C=J 286] (96? x 7:?:D965
>J H@C< 2E %F=2?6 &?:G6CD:EJ[ H6 >@G65 E@ t=:K236E9E@H?[ !2] E@ 2
49:=5C6?VD 9@DA:E2= H:E9 a__ 5:D23=65 49:=5C6? F?56C @FC 42C6]
%96:C A2C6?ED 4@F=5 @?=J G:D:E EH:46 2 >@?E9 @? 2 $F?52J] q642FD6
D96 H2D 362FE:7F= 2?5 C6DA@?D:G6[ E96 DE277 5@4E@CD H2?E65 E@ 9@=5
|6=:DD2] p7E6C H6 925 366? E96C6 E96 2==@EE65 J62C[ H6 962565 H6DE
E@ E9:D 2C62] |6=:DD2 3682? E@ >2<6 ?6H 7C:6?5D[ H9@> D96 92D
496C:D965 7@C J62CD]k^Am
kAm$96 H2D 2 G6CJ 62DJ J@F?8DE6C E@ 42C6 7@C] $96 2=H2JD H2?E65 E@
36 @? E:>6 2?5 :? 2? 2AAC@AC:2E6 >2??6C] %96C6 H6C6?VE 2?J D6=7:D9
E6?56?4:6D 2?5 D96 ;FDE >6=E65 @FC 962CED] $96 H2D =2E6C ;@:?65 3J
2 J@F?86C D:DE6C[ $92F?2 y@J[ 96C 72G@C:E6 A=2J>2E6] x 92G6
>2E6C:2= E@ HC:E6 @? D:3=:?8 C:G2=CJ[ 3FE ?@ A6CD@?2= 6IA6C:6?46]
~442D:@?2==J E96C6 H2D 2 =:EE=6 E:77 :? @FC 72>:=J[ 3FE :E BF:4<=J
A2DD65 3J H:E9 ?@ 2=E6C42E:@?]k^Am
kAm(96? |:DDJ H2D :? 4@==686[ D96 925 2 DA64:2= 7C:6?5 H9@ =:<65
96C[ 3FE @? D6G6C2= @442D:@?D 96 D2:5 D96 925 2 5:77:4F=E E:>6
>2<:?8 564:D:@?D] $96 =@@<65 2E 9:> @?6 27E6C?@@? 2?5 :?G:E65 9:>
E@ 8@ D<J5:G:?8 H:E9 96C] w6 D2:5 96 4@F=5 ?6G6C 5@ E92E[ D@ D96
D2:5 Q25:@DQ 2?5 962565 7@C E96 2:CA@CE] $96 :?G:E65 9:> EH@ >@C6
E:>6D H:E9 ?@ 4@>A2?J] %92E 6?565 E96 7C:6?5D9:A]k^Am
kAm|6=:DD2 2EE6?565 E96 p5G6?E:DE 8C256 D49@@= 2?5 8C25F2E65 7C@>
E96 24256>J H:E9 E96 D2>6 7C:6?5D] $96 >@G65 7C@> 9@>6 E@ {@>2
{:?52 &?:G6CD:EJ E@ DEF5J ~44FA2E:@?2= %96C2AJ] $96 H@C<65 :? E92E
7:6=5 7@C 23@FE 2 J62C] |@DE @7 E92E E:>6 H2D DA6?E :? (J@>:?8
H96C6 D96 >6E 4@H3@JD 2?5 @E96CD H:E9 2 72:E9 E92E D96 5:5?VE 28C66
H:E9] ~?6 52J[ D96 962C5 2 562C 7C:6?5 H2D :? 2 9@DA:E2= :? $2=E
{2<6 r:EJ 2?5 D96 564:565 E@ 5C:G6 @G6C @? 2 3=FDE6CJ[ 4@=5
s646>36C 52J] (96? D96 2CC:G65[ D96 3@F89E 96C 7C:6?5 2 A@EE65
A=2?E] $96 925 E@ H2=< E9C66 3=@4<D 2?5 EH@ DE@C:6D 2?5 H96? D96
2CC:G65[ E96 A=2?E 925 7C@K6?] %92E 5:5?VE 56E6C E96> 7C@> 92G:?8 2
8@@5 E:>6] %96J =2F8965 2?5 5:D4FDD65 =:76]k^Am
kAm~?6 DF>>6C[ D96 2?5 96C D:DE6C H@C<65 :? 2 =@586 :? $F? '2==6J
2?5 DE2J65 :? @FC 4@?5@] %96J 6?;@J65 6249 @E96CDV 4@>A2?J] xE H2D
H9:=6 E96J H6C6 E96C6 E92E @FC 8@=7:?8 7@FCD@>6 564:565 E@ A=2J 2E
@?6 @7 >J 72G@C:E6 4@FCD6D[ E96 $F? '2==6J r@F?ECJ H96C6 x 925
A=2J65 H:E9 7@C>6C !C6D:56?E y6CCJ u@C5] x C6?E65 2 EH:? 6?8:?6
2:C4C27E H:E9 2 A:=@E 2?5 H6 7=6H E@ $F? '2==6J] (6 A=2J65 8@=7
E92E 27E6C?@@? 2?5 E96 8:C=D 925 5:??6C 7@C FD E92E 6G6?:?8] %96
?6IE >@C?:?8 H6 A=2J65 t=<9@C? 2?5 E96? 962565 324< E@ {@5:] %9@D6
H6C6 EH@ 362FE:7F= 52JD]k^Am
kAmp7E6C 23@FE EH@ J62CD @7 H@C<[ |6=:D W2D x 42==65 96CX 564:565
E@ 86E 96C >2DE6CVD 568C66 :? AF3=:4 962=E9] p7E6C D@>6 C6D62C49[
D96 D2:5 D96 H@F=5 =:<6 E@ 8@ E@ E96 ~C:6?E[ %2:A6: 7@C 2 J62C] $96
<?6H D96 4@F=5 >2<6 7C:6?5D H:E9 E96 pD:2? ?FCD6D 2?5 6G6? E6249
E96> :? E96:C |2?52C:? =2?8F286]k^Am
kAmp7E6C 23@FE E9C66 >@?E9D x? E96 ~C:6?E[ D96 H2D D9@AA:?8 7@C
8C@46C:6D :? E9:D =:EE=6 >2C<6E H96? :? t?8=:D9[ D96 962C5 E96 D@?8
Q$EF4< :? {@5:]Q $96 :>>65:2E6=J 3642>6 9@>6D:4< 2?5 42==65 E@ E6==
FD @7 96C 6IA6C:6?46] $96 5:5?VE D2J D@[ 3FE H6 4@F=5 E6== D96
>:DD65 9@>6 3J 96C G@:46] %92E 82G6 FD 2? 6I4FD6 E@ 8@ E@ %2:H2?[
2?5 3J E96 6?5 @7 E96 H66< H6 H6C6 G:D:E:?8 96C] xE H2D 2 C62=
DFCAC:D6 3642FD6 H6 2CC:G65 2 52J D@@?6C E92? 6IA64E65] $96 D9@H65
FD 2C@F?5 E96 4:EJ[ 2?5 E@@< FD E@ 5:??6C] x H2D 36?E @? FD:?8
49@ADE:4<D[ 3FE t=D:6 ?66565 2 7@C<] x? 96C 36DE |2?52C:?[ |6=:DD2
2D<65 E96 H2:E6C 7@C 2 7@C<] w6 D2:5 E96J H@F=5 86E @?6] %96J 5:5[
3FE :E E@@< `d >:?FE6D 3642FD6 E96J 925 E@ 7:?5 @?6 :? 5@H?E@H?
%2:A6:]k^Am
kAm|6=:DD2 C646:G65 96C >2DE6CVD 568C66 2?5 C6EFC?65 9@>6 D276=J]
$96 >6E 2 J@F?8 3FD:?6DD>2? H9@ 244:56?E2==J W@? AFCA@D6X 3F>A65
:?E@ 96C :? E96 32D6>6?E @7 2 49FC49 :? !@CE=2?5] t=D:6 2?5 x 925
A=2??65 2 E9C66\H66< E@FC @7 >2:?=2?5 r9:?2 2?5 2D<65 E96> E@ 8@
H:E9 FD] |6=:DD2 4@F=5 3FE p?5CFD 4@F=5?VE] w6 D6?E 2 =6EE6C H:E9
|6=:DD2 E92E 96 D2:5 ?@E E@ @A6? F?E:= H6 8@E E@ E96 vC62E (2==]
t=D:6 2?5 x 5:5?VE <?@H[ 3FE H96? H6 8@E E@ E96 H2==[ |6=:DD2 H2D
BF:6E6C E92? FDF2=] $96 >256 2? 6I4FD6 E@ D92<6 FD H9:=6 D96 @A6?65
E96 =6EE6C] xV> ?@E DFC6 :7 :E H2D 2 4@>A=6E6 DFCAC:D6[ 3FE p?5CFD
H2D 2?I:@FD 7@C FD E@ 4@>6 324< E@ $2? uC2?4:D4@ E@ D66 :7 9:D
AC@A@D2= 925 366? 2446AE65] (96? E96:C 6J6D >6E[ 96 H2D @? 2
32=4@?J 2?5 D96 H2D 6?E6C:?8 E96 E6C>:?2=] %96J 925 28C665 E@ 36
9FD32?5 2?5 H:76]k^Am
kAm|6=:D H2?E65 E@ 5@ 2 =:EE=6 >@C6 EC2G6=:?8 367@C6 364@>:?8 2
3C:56[ D@ D96 H6?E E@ tFC@A6 7@C 7:G6 >@?E9D] t249 >@?E9 D96 925 2
5:776C6?E 8:C=7C:6?5 H:E9 96C] x E9:?< E96 92AA:6DE >@?E9 H2D H96?
96C @=56C D:DE6C y6?2??6 EC2G6=65 H:E9 96C] $96 H2D :? $A2:? 7@C
D6G6C2= 52JD 3J 96CD6=7] $@>6@?6 =:7E65 96C AFCD6 @?6 ?:89E 2?5 @?6
?:89E @? E96 EC2:? 2 >2=6 G@:46 D2:5[ Q{6E >6 :?]Q $96 H2D :? 96C
4@>A2CE>6?E 2?5 D2:5 Q?@ H2J]Q w6 7@C465 9:>D6=7 :? 2?5 D96 362E
9:> @77 H:E9 96C D9@6] w6 H2D D@ FAD6E 96 8C23365 96C D9@6 2?5
E9C6H :E @FE E96 A2CE:2==J @A6? H:?5@H]k^Am
kAm|6=:DD2 =:<65 E@ DE2J A9JD:42==J 7:E] $@ D96 H@F=5 C:56 96C 3:<6
E@ 2?5 7C@> H@C< @? ?:46 52JD[ D6G6? >:=6D 6249 H2J] $96 H@F=5 6G6?
42== 9@>6 7C@> 96C 3:<6] ~?46[ |6=:D C@56 96C 3:<6 7C@> 62DE E@
H6DE 24C@DD ~C68@? H:E9 2 8C@FA @7 @E96C C:56CD] $96 6?;@J65 :E
E92E @?6 E:>6]k^Am
kAm$96 =@G65 96C >@E96C D@ >F49 E92E H6 D2G65 D@>6 @7 E96 42C5D D96
D6?E FD 2?5 AFE E96> :? 96C A6CD@?2= 7:=6] (6 92G6 7:=6D 7@C 2==
@FC 49:=5C6?] %96J ;@8 @FC >6>@C:6D @7 E96 =@G6 E96J 92G6 7@C FD]
(6 5:5?VE H2?E @FC 49:=5C6? E@ E9:?< H6 H6C6 A2CE:2=[ D@ H6 42==65
y6?2??6 @FC 72G@C:E6 6=56DE 52F89E6C[ z6G:? @FC 72G@C:E6 D@?[
|6=:DD2 @FC 72G@C:E6 Q>:55=6DEQ 52F89E6C \ 2 H@C5 ?@E :? 2?J @7 @FC
`g 5:4E:@?2C:6D[ 3FE E96 D:I @7 FD <?6H \ 2?5 $92F?2 :D @FC
72G@C:E6 J@F?86DE] %9:D 92D 366? @FC H2J @7 =6EE:?8 E96> <?@H E92E
6249 2C6 G6CJ DA64:2=]k^Am
kAm|6=:DD2 =62G6D 369:?5 96C =@G:?8 9FD32?5 p?5CFD 2?5 EH@ 3@JD
286D `h 2?5 `f] $96 6?;@J65 D9@AA:?8 H:E9 E96>[ 86EE:?8 E96> C625J
7@C 9:89 D49@@= 2?5 4@==686] %96 =2DE E:>6 H6 E2=<65 H:E9 96C H2D
27E6C 2 52J @7 D9@AA:?8 H:E9 %C6G@C] w6 H:== 36 8@:?8 E@ &?:@?
r@==686 :? {:?4@=?[ }63] %96J 925 2 DFA6C ?:46 52J] r9C:D =@G65 E@
92G6 96C 96=A 9:> 2=D@] $96 H@F=5 AC2J E92E 96C D@?D H@F=5 7:?5
;FDE E96 C:89E H:G6D] $96 H@F=5 8@ FADE2:CD 2?5 E2=< H:E9 E96> ;FDE
367@C6 E96J 76== 2D=66A]k^Am
kAm|6=:D =@G65 A6@A=6 >@C6 E92? E9:?8D] ~?6 @7 96C E2=6?ED H2D
36:?8 2? 6I46==6?E =:DE6?6C] $96 H@F=5 =:DE6? :?E6?E=J 2?5 E96?
C6DA@?5 H:E9 96C 6IA6C:6?46D E@ 324< :E FA] $96 92D :?7=F6?465
E9@FD2?5D @7 =:G6D] %96C6 H6C6 23@FE c__ A6@A=6 2E 96C >6>@C:2=
D6CG:46[ A=FD E9@D6 DE2?5:?8] %96 49FC49 H2D 7F== @7 A6@A=6 D96 925
E@F4965] |J A6CD@?2= C6=2E:@?D9:A H:E9 v@5 92D 492?865] }@H[ >J
AC2J6C :D Qs62C {@C5[ >2<6 >6 >@C6 =:<6 J@FC 72:E97F= D6CG2?E
|6=:DD2]Qk^Am
kAmx 42?VE 6IA=2:? 96C 72==[ 96C :?;FC:6D[ @C H9J] qFE D@>652J H6
H:== <?@H :7 H6 2C6 72:E97F=] %92?< J@F[ |6=:DD2[ |:DDJ[ |6=:D @C
$H66E q23J y2?6] (6 2C6 2=C625J >:DD:?8 J@F] w2G6 2 8@@5 C6DE F?E:=
J@F C646:G6 J@FC C6H2C5] |6=:DD2VD 72:E9 2?5 6?E9FD:2D> H2D
4@?E28:@FD] $96 2?5 p?5CFD H6C6 H@C<:?8 @? 2 (63 D:E6i v@@5 }6HD
|:DDJ]k^Am
kAmx? E96 7:=6 H6 92G6 7@C 6249 @7 @FC 49:=5C6?[ H6 7@F?5 E9:D
=:EE=6 A@6> :? 96CD] %96D6 2C6 E96 =2DE EH@ G6CD6D[ 2?5 E96J H6C6
962CEH2C>:?8 7@C >2?J]k^Am
kAmQ%96 u2E96CVD w2?5Qk^Am
kAmQ(9J D9@F=5 x >:?5 E96 H2J x 8@nk^Am
kAmw:D H2J :D 36DE 7@C >6[ x <?@H]k^Am
kAmw6 :D >J DEC6?8E9[ >J ECFE9[ >J H2J]k^Am
kAmw6 :D >J 4@>7@CE[ C@5[ 2?5 DE2J]k^Am
kAm$@ @? H6 EC2G6= 92?5 :? 92?5[k^Am
kAmq@F?5 7@C E96 962G6?=J AC@>:D65 =2?5]k^Am
kAmp=H2JD E9C@F89 2== 6E6C?:EJ[k^Am
kAmxV== AC2:D6 w:D ?2>6 7@C =625:?8 >6]Qk^Am
kAmx H@F=5 =:<6 E@ 8:G6 DA64:2= E92?<D E@ k2 E2C86ElQ03=2?<Q 9C67l
Q>2:=E@i>2CEHo=@5:?6HD]4@>Qm|2CEJ (6J3C6Ek^2m[ k2 E2C86ElQ03=2?<Q
9C67lQ>2:=E@iC:492C59o=@5:?6HD]4@>Qm#:49 w2??6Ck^2m[ sFH2:? |:==6C
2?5 %96C6D2 {2CD@? 2?5 2 9@DE @7 7C:6?5D :? @FC 4@>>F?:EJ 7@C 36:?8
D@ DFAA@CE:G6] ~FC A2DE@C (2J?6 *@F?8 2?5 9:D H:76 q@??:6[ 7@C>6C
A2E:6?ED[ 2?5 @FC 49FC49 72>:=J]k^Am
kAmk6>msC] y24< {62CJ :D 2 C6E:C65 @CE9@A65:4 DFC86@?]k^6>mk^Am
posted at 1:15 pm on Sun, Sep 30, 2007.
Dear Dr. Jack and Elsie,
Thank you for this beautiful tribute to Melissa. She was a joy and treasure of a friend, and I miss her deeply. Please accept my heartfelt sympathy for her loss. I always admired your wonderful family, and please give them my condolences, also. I look forward to when you will all be reuinted in God's kingdom.
Lovingly, Nancy
posted at 8:47 am on Fri, Aug 24, 2007.
Dear Dr. and Mrs. Leary, It is with much sadness that I read you wonderful tribute to Missy. You are in my heart and prayers for comfort and peace while you are greiving. When Jenanne and I were best friends at Lodi Academy, I always remember little "Missy". I hope to get your adddress from Jeneanne to send you a card.
She was a remarkable woman, and I am so glad to read of her eventful and full life.I am glad that I saw her April 2006 at your home.
Sandy Becker? Lodi Academy/1966
posted at 3:56 pm on Mon, Aug 20, 2007.
Dear Dr. & Mrs. Leary and family,
Thank you for sharing such wonderful memories of your special girl, Missy. I'm thankful I had one last chance to see her in person at our class reunion last April. I enjoyed hearing about her life, her boys, and her work. I pray that you will feel God's arms around you during this difficult time of loss.
Love, Arlene, Class of 1972 Lodi Academy
funloverab@yahoo.com
posted at 6:25 am on Mon, Aug 20, 2007.
having lost dear ones in our family we know the lost you and your family fill my God bless you and comfort you at this time and the days to come....
God Bless You Arturo and Rose Tovar
posted at 6:23 am on Mon, Aug 20, 2007.
Although I did not know any of your children, you were very important to us at a pivital moment in our lives my husband was hit by a drunk driver in 1967 headon after 1 1/2 hrs they got him out of his trapped car and at the hospital you were on call and as his foot was hanging by a tread you put it back together into the medical annuals you both went...
posted at 7:45 am on Sun, Aug 19, 2007.
Jack and Elsie,
We had the honor of having Andrus, Chris and Trevor in our home this last week. Trevor and Chris impress us as gentlemen who were confident and eager to live thier lives in a way that would honor their parents. This is just as I remember Melissa. She honored you both in everything she did!
I just wanted you to know that we loved Missy's family! You can be so very proud of them all! We are so very sorry for this great loss to your family.
Love,
Joan
posted at 6:42 am on Sun, Aug 19, 2007.
Dear Dr. Jack:
I read with tears, your wonderful tribute to Missy, your daughter and my classmate of many years. I knew of her wonderful and kind spirit from personal experience but your accounts of her post graduation activities around the world completed the picture of a truly wonderful person.
We are praying for you and your family and hope that your memories of her life will heal the pain of her loss.
Jay Bietz, Class of 1972 Lodi Academy
Jay_bietz@sbcglobal.net