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Not-So-Secret Crush #2

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Posted: Wednesday, October 6, 2010 5:26 pm | Updated: 5:34 pm, Wed Oct 6, 2010.

I could not wait much longer to blog about one of my other not-so-secret crushes. I have plenty, by the way - and you'll get to meet them all eventually.

I've written about the genius of Tom Robbins and his fabulous wordplay. I just finished my third reading of 'Jitterbug Perfume' - which is odd for me because I seldom reread books, especially not three times. But three reads over 25 years is acceptable. Especially if it's so intricate that you learn something new each time you read the book.

But I digress - we're not discussing Tom today. But another author who is cut from the same cloth. Cloth without as many threads, but with just as jangled a pattern.

If you haven't yet read anything by Christopher Moore, get thee to a library and check something out.

Mr. Moore has written around ten (or so) books. The topics range from a wayward Native American medicine-man/trickster to Jesus. He has done a compelling series about modern-day vampires which would fit very well with today's obsession of vampires, except that it's hilarious and doesn't take itself as seriously as 'Twilight' or 'Vampire Diaries' (although I'm a fan of those, also. Don't be puttin' vampires in a box!). This series is funny and irreverent with names that play directly into the genre like "Bloodsucking Fiends: A Love Story;" "You Suck: A Love Story;" and "Bite Me: A Love Story." And yes, they are love stories. Very funny love stories.

My introduction to Chris (we're on a first-name basis now) was "Coyote Blue." This is the one about the ancient trickster who gets involved in the lives of a quiet Native American and his new hippie friend Calliope. Of course, chaos ensues. I've read this book twice.

From there I had to read everything he wrote. I believe the next one I picked up was "Island of the Sequined Love Nun." How can you NOT read a book with that title?

The book that I'll be rereading soon, however, is my favorite by this author, and that would be "Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal."

The title may give the impression of irreverence, or even blasphemy. And some devout Christians might take offense. But the story is a fanciful account of the Jesus' youth and teenage years. Basically the years that aren't mentioned in the Bible. If someone is put off by the title, then don't pick up the book.

It's actually an endearing and sympathetic view of the formative years that we all missed in the original story. Moore doesn't, by any means, try to change anyone's religions beliefs. But you can tell he did his homework. The historical facts that we know to be true are in the book - as well as some hilarious facts we did not know.

According to Jesus' boyhood friend:

By the way, his name was Joshua. Jesus is the Greek translation of the Hebrew Yeshua, which is Joshua. Christ is not a last name. It's the Greek for 'messiah,' a Hebrew word meaning anointed. I have no idea what the "H" in Jesus H. Christ stood for. It's one of the things I should have asked him.

Me? I am Levi who is called Biff. No middle initial.

Joshua was my best friend.

And on it goes from there. You'll also discover these little-known facts:

• What to do if your kid's face suddenly appears on every loaf of bread in town

• How sarcasm was invented. (Yeah, really.)

• What the rough draft of the Sermon the Mount sounded like. (This had me laughing so hard I spit fine red wine through my nose.)

• How to tell when an image of the Virgin Mary is a bona fide vision . . and when it's just elephant poop

• How bunnies came to be associated with Easter.

And much more.

Like I said, it's fiction. And it's humor. But it's something that I don't think has been done before, or since. And if so, not nearly as well. If you can read anything by Christopher Moore and your laugh meter doesn't bounce to 'high' - well, like I've said before - I just don't wanna know you. His writing is bawdy and rambunctious, and not for the feint of heart. He uses lots of words we aren't aloud to put on this Web site. But if you're adventurous enough, check out his own Web site here.

Enjoy. And don't say I didn't warn you.

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  • posted at 3:40 pm on Thu, Oct 7, 2010.


    I read the "Island of the Sequined Love Nun". Fab! I tell ya. I did return it right? Thanks for introducing me to CM years ago. We are now square on the intro to crush-worthy author dudes.

  • Jim Anger posted at 12:24 pm on Thu, Oct 7, 2010.

    Jim Anger Posts: 89

    Drools your infatuation with this author jumps right off the page! I get this mental image of you and Chris in a dimly lit, intimate bistro, where he looks into your eyes, takes your hand and whispers, "You come to me but a little girl!...you will leave..
    A MAN!" Just as... Taylor Mali kicks open the door and hollers, "Leggo of that girl's hand, what wuz hopelessly infatuated with me juss last week on...Word Pie!" And there you sit, with the impossible decision "who to choose!" (or is it "whom to choose"...naw, pretty sure its "who", but it IS plural...so, dunno!?) Anyway, the love triangle battles on!

    Sure hope you don't read "An Inconvenient Truth" next. Cuz...love and a quiet dinner with THAT head case would just be...well...undigestibly creepy! (and you could kiss Chris, Taylor and (pretty sure) Bill... goo-bye for good -- and scratch them off your infatuation list!)

  • posted at 8:06 am on Thu, Oct 7, 2010.


    The cycle continues. Thank you for introducing us to one of today's best, brightest and, of course, funniest authors.
    I can honestly say, though it was a work of fiction, that "Lamb" not only made me and the missus laugh continually, it also brought about a deeper sense of spirituality. Those who read Moore's heartfelt undertaking and don't laugh, well, I don't want to know them either.

  • Brandi Poole posted at 7:48 pm on Wed, Oct 6, 2010.

    Brandi Poole Posts: 79

    I am so proud to have been the one to introduce the two of you. As you well know, Chris never disappoints. He is a pure joy to read and then discuss with a friend, or anyone. Strangers will laugh at what you are saying, without knowing why. I have tested this theory, and I know of which I speak.
    Read Chris Moore. You won't be sorry, unless you don't have a sense of humor, then no one wants to know you!


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