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Not-So-Secret Crush #2

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Posted: Wednesday, October 6, 2010 5:26 pm

I could not wait much longer to blog about one of my other not-so-secret crushes. I have plenty, by the way - and you'll get to meet them all eventually.

I've written about the genius of Tom Robbins and his fabulous wordplay. I just finished my third reading of 'Jitterbug Perfume' - which is odd for me because I seldom reread books, especially not three times. But three reads over 25 years is acceptable. Especially if it's so intricate that you learn something new each time you read the book.

But I digress - we're not discussing Tom today. But another author who is cut from the same cloth. Cloth without as many threads, but with just as jangled a pattern.

If you haven't yet read anything by Christopher Moore, get thee to a library and check something out.

Mr. Moore has written around ten (or so) books. The topics range from a wayward Native American medicine-man/trickster to Jesus. He has done a compelling series about modern-day vampires which would fit very well with today's obsession of vampires, except that it's hilarious and doesn't take itself as seriously as 'Twilight' or 'Vampire Diaries' (although I'm a fan of those, also. Don't be puttin' vampires in a box!). This series is funny and irreverent with names that play directly into the genre like "Bloodsucking Fiends: A Love Story;" "You Suck: A Love Story;" and "Bite Me: A Love Story." And yes, they are love stories. Very funny love stories.

My introduction to Chris (we're on a first-name basis now) was "Coyote Blue." This is the one about the ancient trickster who gets involved in the lives of a quiet Native American and his new hippie friend Calliope. Of course, chaos ensues. I've read this book twice.

From there I had to read everything he wrote. I believe the next one I picked up was "Island of the Sequined Love Nun." How can you NOT read a book with that title?

The book that I'll be rereading soon, however, is my favorite by this author, and that would be "Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal."

The title may give the impression of irreverence, or even blasphemy. And some devout Christians might take offense. But the story is a fanciful account of the Jesus' youth and teenage years. Basically the years that aren't mentioned in the Bible. If someone is put off by the title, then don't pick up the book.

It's actually an endearing and sympathetic view of the formative years that we all missed in the original story. Moore doesn't, by any means, try to change anyone's religions beliefs. But you can tell he did his homework. The historical facts that we know to be true are in the book - as well as some hilarious facts we did not know.

According to Jesus' boyhood friend:

By the way, his name was Joshua. Jesus is the Greek translation of the Hebrew Yeshua, which is Joshua. Christ is not a last name. It's the Greek for 'messiah,' a Hebrew word meaning anointed. I have no idea what the "H" in Jesus H. Christ stood for. It's one of the things I should have asked him.

Me? I am Levi who is called Biff. No middle initial.

Joshua was my best friend.

And on it goes from there. You'll also discover these little-known facts:

• What to do if your kid's face suddenly appears on every loaf of bread in town

• How sarcasm was invented. (Yeah, really.)

• What the rough draft of the Sermon the Mount sounded like. (This had me laughing so hard I spit fine red wine through my nose.)

• How to tell when an image of the Virgin Mary is a bona fide vision . . and when it's just elephant poop

• How bunnies came to be associated with Easter.

And much more.

Like I said, it's fiction. And it's humor. But it's something that I don't think has been done before, or since. And if so, not nearly as well. If you can read anything by Christopher Moore and your laugh meter doesn't bounce to 'high' - well, like I've said before - I just don't wanna know you. His writing is bawdy and rambunctious, and not for the feint of heart. He uses lots of words we aren't aloud to put on this Web site. But if you're adventurous enough, check out his own Web site here.

Enjoy. And don't say I didn't warn you.