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Get her some sweatpants! STAT!

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Posted: Sunday, November 6, 2011 9:50 am

I know I've written about blue jeans before, but like a dog with a bone, I just can't seem to let it go. Most people absolutely love jeans. To quote the advertisement produced by the cotton industry, they are the fabric of our lives and as meaningful to many as food and water. Even little Max knows the difference between "pants" and "jeans". Sorry, but I do not share this love affair with man's oldest fashion, right after animal skins.

Buying jeans is a painful experience for me. The dressing room becomes a hall of horrors as I wriggle into one pair after another that fit poorly or make me look like a flour sack tied in the middle. Yea, I realize I'm a size 14 but if the 30 or so brands make size 14 jeans, then why do they fit 30 different ways...all bad. And, I also realize that as I've gotten older my middle has thickened but again the manufacturers haven't taken this into account. I tried on a pair of "Not Your Daughter's Jeans". Maybe its because I don't have a daughter so I'm not an expert, but these jeans didn't fit any better and had a hefty price tag to boot. Having said all that I still wear jeans...just not very long.

I start out in the morning with great expectations. But by 4:00 in the afternoon my body is literally rejecting the offending apparel like a poorly matched organ transplant. That's why I keep an emergency supply of sweats. Ah...sweet relief.