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Thankful, Schmankful, here's what I could do without

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Posted: Wednesday, November 24, 2010 8:58 am

It's that time of year when a glazed look spreads across the face of the country, and people count their blessings (see the two previous posts by my blogging buddies).

Being the nonconformist that I am, I would like to take this moment to share with you, dear reader, 10 things I'm not thankful for.

1. Political correctness: It's ruined the country. Everyone is so afraid of saying anything to anyone that it's crippled - sorry - differently-abled our ability to stand up and speak our minds.

2. Technology: Humankind's ingenuity has completely hindered its progress. We're so connected and demanding now, that we've lost our self-reliance.

3. Reality TV: It's made celebrities out of self-involved idiots. Can you imagine any of the "Real Housewives" having to live on a farm? Oh, wait. Paris Hilton already did it.

4. Politicians: You lot have done more damage to our nation and world in the guise of "public service," and those who truly do try to make a difference are blocked by your avarice. It's always been my thought that those who serve the public should make, on average, less than the public they serve.

5. Professional sports: Sure, sporting events give wayward tailgaters a place to go, but too much value is placed on the ability to throw a ball. In my unpopular opinion, teachers, health care providers and animal shelter workers are far more deserving of such salaries.

6. Computers in cars: This might sound petty, but cars should not have more computer hardware or software than a nerd's dorm room. In fact, they shouldn't have computers. Period. Cars made today will tell you the temperature outside, if your tires need more air, what's on tonight's menu and your IQ. There's a sensor in my car's tires that costs more to replace than the tire itself. Cars should start, take you where you need to go and then stop. If I get a flat, I'll know by the flup flup flup sound.

7. Spiders: Big and hairy, small and jumpy; it doesn't matter. I hate the little buggers.

8. Steve Perry, former Journey frontman: He knows what he did.

9. Potlucks: I love food. Potlucks are great because you can sample all sorts of different dishes concocted by coworkers. And sample. And sample. And sample, much to the chagrin of my challenged waistline. Don't get me wrong. I don't hate potlucks, I'm just not thankful for them.

10. Complainers: Nobody wants to hear your whining or read your list of complaints. To quote myself, "Misery loves company, but the company couldn't give a hoot about your misery. Get back to work."