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New results show she wasn't at fault, but driver who struck local firefighter still grieves
Five weeks after she struck and killed an off-duty Woodbridge firefighter in Clements, Wanda Standerfer can't help but cry when she talks about it.
She's spent the last month agonizing over every detail of that Aug. 26 night, waking up to nightmares about Chad Harris striking her windshield.
"I wanted to know why he was in the road, why he didn't see me. Now I know," she said Thursday after getting a copy of the California Highway Patrol's conclusion on the crash.
The report, citing autopsy results, said Harris had a "very high level of alcohol intoxication" with a blood-alcohol content level of 0.31 percent.
"The only 'why' answer I don't know is, why did it have to involve me?" Standerfer said, trying unsuccessfully to stop the tears that ran down her cheeks.
She's going through various stages of grief, and it might make it a little harder that Harris was 27-year-old firefighter whose job was to save lives.
He was celebrating a co-worker's birthday after spending the day helping his new roommate move into his Lodi home.
They had done things the safe way: The small group of firefighters had a designated driver, Harris was off-duty and he was well above the legal drinking age of 21.
They went to The Old Corner Saloon on Highway 88, had a couple drinks and then decided to go across the street to Clements Feed & Fuel for dinner, according to the CHP report. Harris was chatting with a Lockeford woman he'd just met and they were last to leave so they could first finish their drinks.
At 8:05 p.m., they began to cross the highway.
Standerfer was driving home to Valley Springs after taking home-grown figs and grapes to a friend in Acampo.
A native of Stockton and graduate of Lodi High School, Standerfer now works full-time taking care of a school teacher who suffered a stroke, as well as the woman's mentally handicapped adult daughter.
She was driving east in a blue 2007 Honda Civic hybrid, and told investigators that she saw two people run across the road and took her foot off the accelerator.
Standerfer has since realized that the action made her car quieter, because it's a hybrid — when the car isn't accelerating, it's nearly silent. She even scoured the Internet after the accident, trying to compare the decibel levels of hybrid and regular cars.
Standerfer said she wasn't on the phone and wasn't fiddling with the radio. She kept watching the pedestrians but never saw another one until she felt a thump.
She braked, pulled over and dialed 9-1-1 as witnesses ran to help Harris. His fellow firefighters tried to save him, but his injuries were too severe and he died at the scene.
Woodbridge firefighters are still grieving the loss of a man for whom their chief had nothing but kind words.
"He was very knowledgeable, one of our most dedicated firefighters — not to say that our firefighters aren't dedicated, but he went above and beyond," Chief Mike Kirkle said Thursday. "He was an asset to this agency. We are truly at a loss."
Standerfer, who turned 59 four days after the collision, is also grieving. She's wanted to contact Harris' family to extend her condolences, but has been advised that if she accidentally says "I'm sorry," that could be interpreted by an attorney as admitting liability.
"I am not a cold-hearted person. I want them to know that. This will never be over for me," she said.
She said she has suffered the loss of a young child, her mother and her grandparents, but none of that could prepare her for this tragedy. At this point, she's in the anger stage of grieving, but most of the time she's simply sad.
She sometimes dwells on the timing — if Harris had left the bar 30 seconds later, if she had left her friend's home earlier.
"There's a lot of 'if's,' a lot of 'if only's.' 'If' is the biggest word in the dictionary," she said.
The car is being repaired — to the tune of more than $12,000. But Standerfer would have preferred it if insurance adjusters had totaled the car: Even if it had been a financial loss, she doesn't want to get behind the wheel of that vehicle again.
Standerfer is trying to move on, though she sometimes finds herself walking her dogs outside under the stars, talking aloud to the firefighter she never met.
"They say all things happen for a reason," she said. "And now I'm trying to figure out why I had to be involved."
Contact reporter Layla Bohm at layla@lodinews.com.

Reader Feedback
plant lady wrote on Oct 8, 2009 8:48 PM:
Lodian wrote on Oct 7, 2009 2:06 PM:
CityFootball wrote on Oct 4, 2009 7:47 PM:
Now that both of them have been vindicated as a result of the CHP report, those bloggers owe both Standerfer and Bohm huge apologies for their quick rush to judgment.
Of course, it probably won't happen, but my sympathy goes out to everyone involved. "
jbhiker wrote on Oct 3, 2009 4:25 PM:
plant lady wrote on Oct 3, 2009 8:55 AM:
She has known from that night that this was not her fault. With the CHP report finished, now she can and will start the healing process and try and get past all this. May be easier said than done, but she is a strong person and she will be ok. "
ordinarycitizen wrote on Oct 3, 2009 12:11 AM:
onestooge wrote on Oct 3, 2009 12:06 AM:
Mrs. S. wrote on Oct 2, 2009 11:52 PM:
It also takes almost the length of a football field to stop a car at 55 mph. I found this out after I was involved in a multi-fatal accident, caused by an intoxicated driver.
As for your implication that this driver should share blame, your post reads more like you want to pin it all on her. "
Mrs. S. wrote on Oct 2, 2009 11:34 PM:
However, their cager will be doing the crushing if they get behind the wheel. I'm sure Mr. Harris was following some people in a group that included a designated driver, though. "
dogs4you wrote on Oct 2, 2009 10:04 PM:
jbhiker wrote on Oct 2, 2009 9:13 PM:
Mrs. S. wrote on Oct 2, 2009 8:44 PM:
I drive 88 quite often and know first hand how many crazy, speedy drivers there are, however.
I hope the CHP report eases this woman's mind. She doesn't sound as though she had been speeding, or the report would have said so. "
plant lady wrote on Oct 2, 2009 6:22 PM:
dogs4you wrote on Oct 2, 2009 4:42 PM:
dogs4you wrote on Oct 2, 2009 4:30 PM:
plant lady wrote on Oct 2, 2009 2:20 PM:
jbhiker wrote on Oct 2, 2009 10:31 AM:
deblaw wrote on Oct 2, 2009 8:25 AM:
OTH wrote on Oct 2, 2009 8:02 AM:
lynn wrote on Oct 2, 2009 7:33 AM:
jbhiker wrote on Oct 2, 2009 7:26 AM:
Comments on this story are now closed.