The lighter side

You've all heard the stories about the inventor who developed the 200-mile-per-gallon carburetor, only to have his patent bought or stolen by the big oil companies.

Some say the story goes back to 1918, some say 1932, while others claim a date as recently as 1947. The tale has enjoyed wide circulation, but few can pinpoint the details as to who this alleged ingenious inventor was or the happenstance of his fate.

This story no longer needs to remain a mystery. Since my days in army intelligence and after years of harboring a scandalous secret, my silence has ended. The true facts will now be revealed.

In order to invent a device such as a 200-mpg carburetor, the laws of physics must be completely violated. These would include the laws of motion, weight, acceleration, resistance and displacement, all which are indicators for the amount of energy needed to move an object from one point to another. This would require technology from beyond Earth or beyond our time continuum.

This is exactly what happened when this famous air and fuel mixture device was discovered. It actually was 1947, when a so-called "flying saucer" crashed near Roswell, New Mexico. Although most of the aliens perished in the accident, one did survive and lived until 1951. He showed the American military many of the pathways that have led to our modern technology today, such as fiber optics, microchips and automotive armrest beer coolers, found in some luxury cars today.

One of his gifts to the people of the Earth was the 200-mpg carburetor, which remains buried in the archives of Area 51. This amazing device works on principles still vaguely understood, but as we can best surmise, has a mixing factor known as Element 221. This slippery substance is something unknown on this planet, but widely available on the planet Dufuseus, 38 light years from our solar system.

While this invention would have meant a wonderful boon for mankind, the device was immediately squelched by the big oil barons, primarily by a man with the code name of "Slick Bearings," leader of a giant, worldwide oil cartel. Others with more noble values, such as state department officials, were afraid the device would severely hurt oil-producing nations — thus leaving millions of Middle Eastern people in unmitigated poverty.

Today, another dilemma continues. Many congressional leaders know about the secret, but are trapped within a web of lies. To say that the carburetor exists means that our elected representatives would have to admit that aliens have visited Earth and that the clever device was hidden for many decades. So instead, the politicians have created a diversion called "ethanol," which appears to save oil but actually, only dramatically raises food and other commodity prices.

The time has come for our elected leaders to "fess up" and give the people the carburetor they so desperately deserve! The entire economy, security and general welfare of the American people may totally depend upon it.

Steve Hansen is a Lodi writer and satirist. If his remains are found in the desert, you'll know why.

Reader Feedback

girard74 wrote on Apr 14, 2008 1:13 PM:

" dyan wrote, 'I'm waiting for you to present me with an example of your literary works so I can see how it should be done.'

Also, I fully 'got' the sarcasm in that response. These blogs are here for us to 'discuss' what has been written by the author of the piece as well as those of us offering our opinions.

How it 'should' or should not be done is a matter of opinion. You, and others, seem to think that we should not offer our opinions if they are counter to yours. Perhaps you don't see that? Re-read what you've written. "

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The lighter side

Who needs ethanol? Let's just reveal the long-held secrets of 200 mile-per-gallon carburetor!

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