Who pays the price when politicans take action? "Someone Else"

SACRAMENTO — The Democratic-controlled legislature has sent Governor Schwarzenegger a bill that would provide free health care for everyone. Although the state budget is in the red and the housing economy has slowed to a trickle, the Democrats are not worried about the cost of the project.

"We have already planned where the money is coming from," said Assemblyman Angel Mercy. "It's that great old benefactor we all have come to know and love named 'Someone Else.'" Assemblyman Mercy reminded reporters that "Someone Else" recently paid for the minimum wage hike.

"You may have noticed that California restaurant prices, where many minimum wage employees work, have increased by ten percent," said Mercy. "Yes, you guessed it; 'Someone Else' is quietly doing his good deeds, making California a better place for all."

Many people have head that "Someone Else" often pays the state's bills, but few know who this great old benefactor really is. "He's like Santa Claus," said historian Carol Christmas. "Santa Claus may be a mythical figure, but we all know he lives in the hearts and minds of everyone," she said. Ms. Christmas was referring to the fact that we all keep the myth alive by financing Santa's toy quest. Some politicians and their advocates have decided that health care should be financed in the same way.

"'Someone Else' is also believed, by the faithful, to be a real person who is supported by you, me, and anyone else who still has a dollar in his pocket," remarked Ms. Christmas. "Isn't it wonderful that we still have people who see America as a 'free lunch' country?"

Others are more skeptical and are concerned that a government-run program will lead to a major deterioration of health services. "Bah, humbug to this plan!" said Republican Sam Scrooge. "There is not a socialist country in the world that provides the high level of health care that we do. If this becomes law, you can kiss things like Viagra goodbye."

But supporters are sticking to their guns. "We're not going to let a few scrooges spoil it," said Sally Sickney, spokesperson for the "Free Healthcare Forever" committee. "If lawyers and legislators can invent no-cost, full-service care for thousands of prisoners, then they can certainly invent it for the rest of us."

"Someone Else," on the other hand, has had little say in the matter. An aggressive reporter was able to locate a person claiming to be him at a meeting with Santa at the North Pole. Fortunately for the newswoman, it was a pleasant day, as global warming has turned much of Santa's workshop into a tropical paradise.

"It's one more major burden that I'll need to shoulder," said Else. "There's a little girl out there who needs me. She and her family came to this country looking for free health care, and I won't be the one who lets her down. Even if I go broke or die trying, my last words will proudly and prolifically be, 'Yes, Virginia; there really is a "Someone Else.'"

Steve Hansen is a Lodi writer and satirist

Reader Feedback

sam wrote on Sep 9, 2007 6:26 PM:

" R. Wayne, I would agree with an increase in the sales tax to pay for Health Insurance for all. That would be a fair way to share the expense. "

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R. Wayne wrote on Sep 8, 2007 12:15 PM:

" Perhaps we should look at the issue from another perspective. Could we, as one of the wealthiest states in the one of the wealthiest countries in the world afford to provide health care to all members of society if we chose to do so? I believe we could. We only need the collective will to do so. Or, does the failure to provide such health care for all put our health system in such imbalance that emergency rooms in poor communities close while those in affluent neighborhoods thrive? This happened in LA. "

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Daniel wrote on Sep 7, 2007 7:56 AM:

" GovAgent: Too simple for us to say, in our local play area. The elites who control border security are laughing at us. They have no intentions of securing the border. "

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GovAgent wrote on Sep 6, 2007 5:46 AM:

" Hey instead, lets round up all the illegals or criminal aliens and send them back to mexico. The money saved from the healthcare, welfare, and bilingual education, can go towards the education system and middle class who really deserve a lower cost of health care. The middle class is getting the shaft because most all are paying for illegals. both political parties are bad, and a revolution is at hand! voters use your power! send them all back! "

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Prof. Dr. R.M. Santry wrote on Sep 6, 2007 4:13 AM:

" Donnerstag/Nachmittag/060907 Some one else is the blame for the Iraq/Afganistan wars. Some one else dropped toilet paper on the floor of Senator Craig's stall. Some one else flew nuclear weapons on a B 52 across a few states! Great article with revealed truths. "

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Ed Roy wrote on Sep 5, 2007 10:46 PM:

" That "some one else" are the people who watch the commercials pushing this scam. The commercials tell us that hospital costs are too high. They don't tell us that the costs are high because of the illegals flooding the hospitals and receiveing "free health care" and the "some one elses" are paying very high hospital charges to make up the difference. That is what the hospital admins. are telling the "some one elses" who are upset at their charges in the hospitals that haven't closed yet because of all the "free medical treatment" going to non citizens. Been milked lately? "

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Colonel G wrote on Sep 5, 2007 10:25 PM:

" How do you say "someone else" in Spanish? "

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Bill C. from Stockton wrote on Sep 5, 2007 5:45 PM:

" Steve, do you think that someone else could pick up my home and car payments? After our government figures out how much this "Free health insurance" is going to cost someone else, I won't have any money left over to make those payments. I guess if you don't ask, you don't get. I don't want to be negative, but maybe I should start listening to what all the politicians are promising and ask them a simple question, like "Can someone else afford all these freebies? "

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