Lodi detective's step-daughter almost a contestant on reality show

Every Monday night, Detective Virginia Elder of the Lodi Police Department and her family gather to watch "My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiancé."

The reality show has nothing to do with her job, but it's a bit more interesting than other shows: Elder came close to being the woman on the show who is shocked to learn that her daughter has supposedly fallen in love with a rather uncouth man.

Though Elder's 28-year-old step-daughter did not make the final cut to get onto the reality show, she has watched each episode leading up to tonight's finale.

The show has become a bit more real for the family, because a cameraman from the show actually traveled to their rural Sacramento County home, interviewed the family and spent about an hour getting footage.

It was a bit nerve-wracking, Elder said.

"They're walking behind you and you have to explain everything and say, 'Hey, this is a cow,'" she said.

Producers told Elder's step-daughter, Maria Rogers, that they had narrowed their contestant search to two people -- and she was one of them.

Rogers wasn't selected, but she looks back on it and can see why. After all, her step-mother investigates sex crimes for a living, and her father spent 30 years as a deputy with the Contra Costa County Sheriff's Department.

The woman who was selected to star on the show must lie to her family and convince them that she wants to immediately marry a man who is everything the show's title indicates -- big, fat and obnoxious. If her family believes her, the woman gets half a million dollars.

But what she doesn't know is that the obnoxious fiancé is actually a paid actor who is deliberately trying to live up to his title.

Rogers wanted to go on a reality show because she'd like the money, but she doubts she could have convinced her family that she really wanted to marry a slob.

Maria Rogers

"My family and friends would have known that it wasn't real, because it's so far-fetched," she said. "I wouldn't be able to convince my family. I don't think (Elder) would allow it, and I don't think my dad would, either."

Elder agreed, saying she would have acted much differently than the family members have acted on the show.

"I would have been asking a lot more questions than they're asking -- a lot more," the detective said.

Last fall, a cameraman arrived at Elder's home to film Elder and her husband in action. Show producers apparently wanted to see what it would be like if Elder's step-daughter suddenly announced that she had fallen in love and was about to be married.

"It was very nerve-wracking. I was trying to get my house spotless, because they called me that morning," Elder said.

Rogers, who lives in Southern California, wasn't even there.

"You're constantly worried about what you're saying," Elder said, adding that she also made sure her address wasn't shown, because of her job.

For Rogers, it wasn't the first such experience. In 2002, she was on another TV show called "Dog Eat Dog," and she models professionally.

"She didn't even tell me when she was on 'Dog Eat Dog.' I was flipping through the channels and said, 'Hey that's my step-daughter.' I called her," Elder said.

Rogers didn't win, so she didn't get too excited about the show.

But preparing for "My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiancé" took a bit more work than the other show.

Last summer, Rogers and a few girlfriends were lying in the sun at a Southern California hotel when a man approached her with information about a new reality show being filmed in Europe.

A couple of months went by and she heard nothing, but then she got a call for a different show. Rogers soon found herself meeting with the executive producer, a psychologist, a private investigator and a host of other people.

"I could tell it was a show like this. I was talking to my girlfriend, and I said I could tell I was going to have to convince my family of something," Rogers recalled.

A 500-question psychology test was time-consuming, and some of the questions were rather interesting.

"Do you sometimes feel the need to hurt others?" was one question, and another asked, "When you're walking down the street, do you hear noises in your head?" Rogers said.

Rogers then met with a psychologist who asked her more questions, including whether she had brought boyfriends home to meet her parents.

The private investigator asked if there was anything in her past -- ranging from performing sex acts on film to being jailed -- that could surface if she was on national TV.

Rogers made it through that part, and that's when the cameraman paid a visit to her parents' home.

Though Rogers did not go on to become the woman who must convince her family she wants to marry the "big, fat, obnoxious fiancé," Elder enjoys watching the show.

But she doubts Rogers could have fooled her family.

"Knowing her, she wouldn't have brought someone home like that -- not because of his physical appearance, but because of his mannerisms," she said.

Rogers has brought home boyfriends, and they've all been extremely respectful, Elder said. One was so formal, Elder recalled with a laugh, that he never addressed Elder by her first name.

On the show's finale, which airs at 9 tonight on Fox, viewers will find out if the woman's family agrees to go along with a wedding (which will not actually happen, especially since the actor playing the fiancé is married in real life). So far, the family has been less than cooperative.

That's another difference, Elder said.

"Let's say Maria did bring this guy home. We would not have thrown the tizzy fit this family is showing," she said.

When it comes down to it, Elder added, she would support her step-daughter and be there for her.

In the meantime, Rogers has been busy enough that she is not closely following the show's progression.

Her reality show days may not be over, though. About a month ago, she received a call from producers for "Fear Factor," a show in which contestants must pass tests involving their worst fears.

That show, though, is too crazy for Rogers, she said.