In 2003, the world was introduced to a fun little dialect pioneered by Snoop Dogg that consisted of removing the last syllable of a word and replacing it with "izzle."
For example, I write for the Lodi News-Sentinizzle. Do you really need to know that? Absolutely.
Staying up on the buzz words and trends of the current day will keep you useful and applicable to the 21st century. Otherwise, you're dead weight. I kid, I kid. But with that in mind, let's take a little stroll down the "buzz words and lifestyles of 2004."
Lesson No. 1: Metrosexuality. Seeing as how I'm not a huge football buff, nor a man obsessed with enhancing his car's horsepower, nor even all that buff, I guess it's pretty safe to say that I'm not the manliest macho man on Earth.
But then again, I don't swing that far to the other side of the spectrum, either. I don't own bazillions of hair care products, weird girly smelling lotions, or have neatly manicured cuticles, whatever a cuticle is. I'm me - manly enough to get along with even the biggest sports jocks, yet clean and neat enough to have a room girls would be proud to come home to.
I guess I could be the "Moderate Eye for the Straight Guy," and teach guys how to buy the shampoo that happens to be on sale and the wonderful world of hats and beanies that cure even the worst bad hair days.
But then again, the world is making its ascent (or descent, depending on who's talking) into metrosexuality. For the one to two percent of you that are unfamiliar with the word, a metrosexual is a straight male who makes sure that his feminine side is strengthened, enhanced, and front and center for the world to see.
Long gone are the days of washing your face before bed with whatever soap happens to be by the sink. Nowadays, there are facial creams, exfoliating something-or-others and moisturizing lotions. Still have that pair of nail clippers? Better toss them out and make a trip to get a manicure and a pedicure. Does your shampoo cost less than $30 a bottle? Introduce it to your friendly neighborhood garbage can and head down to the salon.
Metrosexuality is everywhere now, but is it for you?
Take soccer superstar David Beckham, for example. According to Australian newspaper The Age, Beckham is "the ultimate metrosexual." A strong, dominating soccer player on the field; a soft, pampered girly man off the field. I kid, I kid. The metrosexuality gig certainly worked out well for him, seeing as how his wife Victoria is scrumptious.
Lesson No. 2: Low-carb diets. Is dieting smart? Yes. Is it healthy? If done right, yes.
What is a low-carb diet? A trend, period. It's another new buzz word that will make certain companies richer in the upcoming year.
Look for the Atkins "A" logo on restaurant menus (such as Subway's new "Atkins-approved low-carb sandwich") and you'll know that you're definitely doing yourself a service.
The bottom line of weight loss and body enhancement is simple: Eat better and exercise. There are no substitutions for that formula and no exception to the rule.
Weight loss is, however, a commercial tour de force nowadays, so it's not all that much of a surprise that a new dieting trend has once again taken hold.
So how am I staying applicable to the 2004 trendy crowd?
Well, I'm not dieting currently, so a low-carb diet isn't really on the menu. I'm fit enough as it is.
And my potential metrosexuality is still in the pre-natal stage, so don't count on me taking your pedicure appointment away from you.
Still, though, I'm a man of the times, so peace out to my loyal audiencizzle.