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Britney Spears is no King Gillette

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Posted: Sunday, December 1, 2002 10:00 pm

Within its frigid temperatures, seasonal songs, and often massive insect genocidal tendencies, the wintertime holds some very important and historical dates.

For example, Thanksgiving was just last week, the anniversary of Pearl Harbor is only a few days away, Christmas is just around the corner, and a new year follows shortly thereafter.

However important those dates may be, you perhaps have forgotten yet another significant date in this final month of 2002. That date is today.David Harris

"Of course today is important, Dave," you may be thinking, "I get to read your article today! Boy oh boy, I've waited all week for this!" OK, so not even my parents are that excited. So why is today so important, then?

Some of society's most important accomplishments and advancements have come on this, the second day of December, and fittingly, I'll discuss the most important event first.

On Dec. 2, 1981, Jamie and Lynn Spears' efforts towards increasing the overall happiness of future generations of hormone-driven teenagers were brought to fruition as Britney Spears was born in Kentwood in Southern California. Obviously, I needn't say much about society's eternal debt to Britney and her assets, so to speak, so let's move on, shall we?

Since man's dawning days a few thousand years ago, man has been locked in the eternal struggle to impress both the opposite sex and potential employers, considering unemployment was a monumental problem for cavemen.

Thus, on Dec. 2, 1901, King Gillette introduced a product to help man (and a few unlucky women, too) deal with unwanted facial hair with his newly patented disposable razor. No longer was it necessary to shave with a huge-bladed knife like they do in the old cowboy movies. Nevertheless, you certainly are mas macho if you use a knife instead of a pansy disposable razor.

On Dec. 2, 1950, bantamweight boxer Danny O'Sullivan showed why persistence, perseverance, and pride are for morons, as Vic Toweel knocked him down a record 14 times in 10 rounds. After the referee came to his senses and realized O'Sullivan was perhaps a better floor mat than a boxer, he called the fight. In his post-fight interview, O'Sullivan sputtered, "Iadfvj edfds o" and keeled over - again.

On Dec. 2, 1972, The Temptations climbed to the top of the Billboard charts for the fourth time with "Papa Was a Rollin' Stone." Unfortunately, I have no witty, sarcastic comment regarding The Temptations because, well, they're just too darn suave and cool to make fun of.

Taking us back a few years to Dec. 2, 1620, the English language newspaper "Namloos" began printing in Amsterdam. Despite the silly name for a paper, Namloos started a chain of events that would eventually lead to the founding of the Lodi News-Sentinel, and, thus, my employment as a columnist. Without Namloos, I'd be a poor, starving, unemployed college student, instead of a poor, starving semi-employed college student.

In 1971, the United Arab Emirates declared their independence from the United Kingdom, while in 1988, "The Naked Gun" hit movie theaters across the nation. In 1973, tennis star Monica Seles was born and in 1981, L.A. Dodgers ace Fernando Valenzuela snagged the National League Rookie of the Year award, all on Dec. 2.

So as so-called "important" dates like Christmas and New Year's approach, take a moment to reflect about the fact that today is Dec. 2, and today is quite a historical day.

The present is exactly what you make it.

Could you make Dec. 2 even more famous than the birth of Britney Spears? It's all up to you.

David Harris, of Lodi, is a student at California State University, Chico. He can be contacted at daveharris2000@hotmail.com.


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