There's a poster hanging on the wall in my economics class that says, "Teenagers use the phrase 'it's not fair' on average 85 times a day."
Now it's my turn to use the phrase.
I have to decide right now where I'm going to attend college. I have to make a choice now that will affect me for the next two to four years, and really, at 17 years old, I think it's not fair.
I always thought I wanted to have my own responsibilities and make my own decisions, but I never thought any of them would be as hard as this one has proven to be.
Making the decision is a lot of pressure to be under, but obviously I'm going to have to decide sometime.
I have basically three colleges or universities to choose from, and there are excellent reasons to attend all three.
The furthest away, San Diego State, allows me to get out of Lodi and take on the world on my own. San Diego is also a very fun city with beautiful weather, and millions of beaches. San Diego would be an ideal city to live in for me.
Fresno State has an excellent mass communications program, which correlates with my major, journalism. After college, Fresno State can give me the opportunity to get a job or internship with the Fresno Bee, and since I've done well at journalism competitions there in the past, I can get a scholarship of some amount.
My third choice, and by far the one almost nobody wants to see me do, is to go to Delta College.
Although Delta is considered two more years of high school by a lot of people, it gives me the opportunity to do a lot of things that I'd miss out on at other places.
By going to Delta I can stay in a relationship with my girlfriend, play football and save money.
After two years at Delta I can move on and still graduate from a university, so it's not that bad of a decision.
But, I don't know how to weigh these considerations. I don't even know what's most important to me. My mind is boggled, and I'm sure a lot of other seniors have the same problems I do.
Some of my friends tell me to go to San Diego because it's such a good area, my teachers tell me Fresno would be best to pursue career goals, and others tell me to stay home and play football with them at Delta.
Everything is jumbled in my mind and I'm not sure what to do. I don't know what's finally going to make me decide where I want to go, either.
All three choices have disadvantages as well. San Diego is large and it's sometimes hard to get all the classes you want. Fresno is kind of a boring, dull area, and Delta is basically staying home and wasting four years of hard work in high school.
In order to accept San Diego's admission offer, I must mail in my intent-to-enroll form, a $100 deposit and an official transcript by today. So, midway through the day I should know where I'm going for sure.
Football practice for incoming freshman at Delta is being held on May 3 and May 10, so it would be wise to know my decision by then as well.
This decision is by far the most difficult of my entire life. My mind has wavered over the past months many times. At different times I thought I knew I was going to one of the three, but things always happen that change my mind.
Whatever I do decide, I know it will be the right decision for me. I will be happy and no matter where I end up, I will make the best of it.
Although different people have tried to point me in different directions, the final decision is mine, and although I've always wanted the responsibility to be on my own, it's just not fair.
Michael Holst is a senior at Tokay High School and is editor-in-chief of the Tokay Press.
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